Are you my babies?

**Today is my last day that I am releasing these "hidden" posts from when I hadn't yet revealed my pregnancy. I'm sorry if they have confused you! Today, February 23, I am 12 weeks 3 days pregnant and very happy! Next week I'll resume with my current posts, after my 13 week sonogram.  (YAY! Can't wait to see my babies again!) I'm going to take a small break until then. I'm so appreciative of all the kind things and congratulations that have been said to me. Thank you so much!**

FEBRUARY 8, 2012
PREVIOUSLY UNPUBLISHED POST 9 OF 9

I feel like I should be able to feel them.

Don't you think, if you had two babies, the size of limes, and they were moving around in you, that you would be able to feel it?

Last night, after a warm bath, and putting all of my Mama Mio creams and lotions on (I'm trying to prevent stretch marks, ya'll!) I laid in my bed, closed my eyes, placed my hands over my belly, and tried to focus on feeling them move.  If I could just not breath, I think that would help.  I felt what I thought could have been them, but it may have just been normal tummy rumblings.  I fell asleep in the process. 

I can't wait to really feel and interact with them.  It's going to be amazing.  The thought of Matt feeling them move for the first time, ah! Amazing!! So many amazing things...

Well, I was about to close this, but wanted to include one more thing. Do you remember the Dr. Suess book, "Are you my Mother?" by P.D. Eastman?



It came to mind as I was writing.  My mom used to read it to me and my sister.  It was one of my favorite books.  I was reminded of it, because last night when I was trying to feel my babies, I was thinking all the while, "It's, me, your mommy....". 

I have been so overcome with emotion lately.  When Madonna came on for the half-time show during the Super Bowl on Sunday, I literally got choked up as those first few chords of Vogue were played.  Then last night I was reminiscing about wonderful memories I shared with some of my best girl friends which left me teary-eyed, and now today it's this book doing it to me!  Ha!

Maybe I'm not really feeling my babies yet, but I'm certainly feeling other things!

All the more excited, -Natalie

My lovely lady bump

FEBRUARY 7, 2012
PREVIOUSLY UNPUBLISHED POST 8 OF 9


Check it out.

8 weeks

10 weeks

My little baby bump is getting more difficult to conceal!  When I walk around at work I try to suck in as much as possible or hold my hand or arm over my mid-section.  It will be so nice to walk more comfortably when I can finally tell everyone next week. 

I love walking among strangers.  I feel like I can be so open with my pregnancy.  I rub my belly when I walk.  I tell every stranger that I come into contact with that I'm pregnant with twins.  Last night it was our waitress at Longhorn Steak and Ale and the guy at the check-out at HEB.

I can't even think to write much more than this, I am so hungry right now.  Snack time!

Lay off me, I'm starving, -Natalie

UPDATE-I got a bite to eat, and wanted to share their growth!  Our babies are now each the size of a lime. :)

So sweet!

Love letter

FEBRUARY 4, 2012
PREVIOUSLY UNPUBLISHED POST 7 OF 9

Dear babies,

Your daddy loves you so much already.  This morning, although I was awake, I hadn't opened my eyes yet, your daddy rolled over and started rubbing the small bump on my belly where you, my loves, are.

"Good morning, babies. I'm your daddy."

It was so sweet.  On our way to work, he was giddy with happiness and excitement about the two of you.  He had the biggest smile the entire ride into town.

It makes me so happy when I think about how much you are already loved.  Your Aunt Andrea loves to greet you by whispering hello's into my belly button-I tell her to speak quietly so as not to hurt your tiny growing ears.  Aunt Betsy just can't wait for you to get here!  Your Aunt Nicole loves you so much already, too, and cannot wait to start buying little outfits once we know your genders.  Grandma left me a message the other day that she had bought you a book!  This was kind of surprising because she had previously said she didn't believe in buying gifts until you are here-even she couldn't resist!  Oma can't wait to start buying you gifts as well!  Aunt Dawn got teary thinking about how she is your aunt and her son Kristian, your cousin, knows you are in my belly and can't wait to meet you!  We have the best friends in Chris and Anna and cannot wait to have all of our children together and watch you play and interact.  These are just a small handful of friends and family that already love you, but I will promise you this, there are so many more!

I am so happy, honored, and blessed to be your mommy.  I have waited and wanted you for so long.  You will be born into so much love it makes my heart swell.  My love grows for you everyday and I give my belly lots of rubs as a reminder.  There are not words for how thankful we are for your beating hearts and growing bodies.

Thankfully yours, -Your Mommy

"Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart."  Psalm 37.4

Heartbeats!!

JANUARY 31, 2012
PREVIOUSLY UNPUBLISHED POST 6 OF 9


It's been a while since I wrote one of these "hidden" posts. About two weeks actually. Today I am 9 weeks and a day pregnant. I just wrote my Writer's block post and now I am soooooo flipping excited for Valentine's day!!!

Our babies are now the size each of a prune.

Two weeks ago, at 7 weeks pregnant, we got to hear the most incredible, amazing sounds I have ever heard; our babies heartbeats. Check it out!  Twin A was in a weird position and so we were just barely able to make out his/her heartbeat, but Twin B was in a great position and came through pretty clear!  You may need to turn your volume up. :)

Yesterday, although Matt was only able to wait with me in the waiting room for my appt before he had to leave for his chiropractor appt...did I tell you that he has a sport's hernia and won't require surgery?...more on that another time, anyway, I went to see Dr. Wilder alone.  As always, it was a great visit with a few of my questions answered. More importantly was this though: I, for the first time, had warm jelly placed on my belly and a Doppler device was used to hear our babies heartbeats! This was the first time I have ever experienced that! All other sonograms had been done internally. It was so cool! Their little heartbeats came through the speaker of the device loud and clear. I tilted my head back and laughed a little, it was amazing.

It's taken me some time to write about the first time I heard their heartbeats. I was afraid that something would change. I'm cautious with my happiness...and writing about this experience really is such a happy punch of reality.  After my appt yesterday, Dr. Wilder told me that my risk of miscarriage has now been reduced to 3%. 3%!! I loved hearing that.  He said that even being able to hear their heartbeats at this stage was only a 30% chance!  Our babies seem to be doing just great.  Thank you God.

So now I am just brimming with anticipation. I cannot wait to allow everyone to join me on this journey.  Sometimes I tear up at night just imagining how it's going to feel to finally share with everyone how Matt and I have been blessed. We are so very, very thankful.

Dr. Wilder told me that it was probably safe for me to share my news now.  I have a sonogram on February 13th, I will be 11 weeks.  So, with one week before I had previously planned, I will be making my big announcement the following day, Valentine's day.  If you are reading this, it is after I have done my big reveal....ah!! So exciting!!

Lots of love and excitement, -Natalie

Bliss

JANUARY 13, 2012
PREVIOUSLY UNPUBLISHED POST 5 OF 9


On my very worst day of being pregnant and perhaps miserable, I hope I remember the joy of how happy I am to even be pregnant. I waited for so long, longing to be where I am today, at 6 weeks and 4 days pregnant with my precious twins, who, by the way, are now each the size of a blueberry.

 

Monday can't be here soon enough. Matt and I will hopefully be able to hear our love's heartbeats for the first time. I need this appointment. Since it is so early, I really need some kind of reassurance that I am still pregnant. I can't feel them yet, and I'm not really even showing, aside from a little pregnant pouch that comes from all of my hormones.  I really hope that both babies stay with me, and that when we go in for our appointment, we will see healthy growth. 


I am the happiest girl in the world. Have I already said that? I'll say it again: I am the happiest girl in the world.  I hope time passes quickly so that soon, that moment that I have dreamed of, where I hold my baby, now babies, for the first time will be here. Bliss. :)

...and more fireworks, -Natalie

TWINS!!!!

JANUARY 5, 2012
PREVIOUSLY UNPUBLISHED POST 4 OF 9
We're having twins!! We're having twins!! We're having twins!!!!!

Here is how it all came about! Ahh!!!!

Yesterday, Matt got to meet Dr. Wilder for the first time, it was after my very first sonogram.

Let's talk about that first.

I don't think I mentioned this from my last post about Dr. Wilder, but the reason he wanted to do my first sonogram so early is because my progesterone levels were so high.  The conversation went a little bit like this:

"61, huh? That could be an indicator of...what?"

"...twins?"

Small giggle. "You got it, let's have you back in next week."

Small giggle back. I could feel my eyes twinkling.

So, yesterday, after telling work that we were having work done on our house, we left to go to catch our first glimpse of our growing baby.

They sent us back to the room pretty quickly. I changed into a gown, while Matt sat in a small chair next to the bed.  The sonogram was internally administered. It was really sweet, when I winced a little as the nurse was getting everything in place, Matt rubbed my arm. I assured him I was ok, it was uncomfortable, but not painful.

I was asked how far along I was, and answered with 5 weeks.  It bothered me slightly when she responded with, "Well, you must be really early because I'm not seeing a whole lot of anything..." Rude.

After a few minutes she let us know that she could see a "little speck".  I told her that the main reason that Dr. Wilder had me there so early was because he suspected that I might have twins.  She just kind of nodded, and said "hmm", but then just about a minute later said, "Oh, there it is...another speck!"

Matt and I started to get our cheese smiles on and I began my happy giggles, but they were shortly lived because the nurse told us, "Now, this doesn't necessarily mean anything, you'll have to talk to your doctor about it." She then, incorrectly told me that they weren't embryos yet.  WRONG. An embryo is the fertilized egg after it has implanted.  You get your positive test from hCG which is emitted once implantation occurs, which I clearly have.  I didn't correct her, after she incorrectly corrected me. She just didn't know who she was dealing with! Haha, oh well.

We couldn't help ourselves. We were quite giddy in the waiting room.  Matt had taken a picture on his phone of the sonogram...I was certain it was of twins!! We just kept staring at it and laughing...twins!!  Ah!!

After the sonogram, we were able to meet with Dr. Wilder.  He came into our room with a bright smile and was pointing at the picture of my two sweet little embryos. "Twins!", he said with a smile.  I smiled and nodded my head yes excitedly, "Twins!".  He did a quick exam on me, yes Matt was there, he did great, and explained that because it was so early, there is not a 100% chance that they will both stay.  Sometimes, in the gestational process, you'll be able to see the two embryos, and then come back a few weeks later and only be able to see one, we were told. 

Matt really liked Dr. Wilder.  Sharing our news with our family was awesome, even if it left my parents a little short for words, initially. We are praying that both of our growing babies will be able to stay with us, forever.  Matt admitted that when the nurse had said she had seen only one "speck", he was slightly disappointed because he had gotten his hopes up a little for twins.  I had, too.  We are so very thankful for the most amazing blessing of two babies.

Here they are! Our precious little growing babies! Love at first sight.

We initially were going to keep the news just to ourselves, but then I got to thinking...I was already having to keep my pregnancy a secret from almost everyone...I had to at least be able to tell our family and a couple of close friends about them. So, we did. ..and it was amazing!! Everyone was so excited!! Matt had confused his parents at first about not knowing if there were two or not..how could we possibly not know! Haha...it was fun when the truth was finally revealed!  My parents were very shocked at first. My dad was speechless! (Which rarely happens!) ...but then, once the shock of two babies faded away, all that was left was pure happiness.  This is such a blessing!!

The happiest girl in the world, -Natalie

What really happened

DECEMBER 30, 2011
PREVIOUSLY UNPUBLISHED POST 3 of 9

Yesterday, I met Dr. Wilder for the first time.  It was only supposed to be a consultation, but because I found out I was pregnant last weekend, my appointment went a bit differently.

I had had a quantitative blood pregnancy, or hCG (Human Chorionic Gonadotropin), test on Tuesday with my previous dr.  There are two different types of blood pregnancy tests that can be administered; quantitative and qualitative. Quantitative hCG test gives you an actual amount of hCG that is present in the blood-hCG is the pregnancy hormone.  Qualitative hCG tests basically gives you a yes/no answer by telling whether or not hCG is present.  Anyway, I was told that my hCG level was at "100.something", by previous dr, and that my progesterone level was at 61. Normal level of progesterone at my stage of pregnancy, I'm 4 weeks :) , can be between 9-47. Interesting....hopefully soon I'll know whether or not that means anything. 

When I met with Dr. Wilder, after the great response he gave me from giving him alllll of my charts, haha, he decided to run another hCG test on me. As of 3pm this afternoon, I'm anxious to hear what my levels are.  I was told that hCG levels are supposed to double. We'll see what I'm doing.

How could I have forgotten to mention this until the end (well, nearly end) of my post?!....I have reached the coveted 18 dpo today!! My temps have remained at 97.9 the last several days.  I'm not sure if I will continue taking my temperature.  It will be kind of odd not doing it, as I have done it every morning at 6AM since August.

I could not be happier.  It's hard not to have a permanent cheese smile, but I have to play it down. Only our general manager and salesman, both of whom I work closest with, know at work.  I cannot wait to get out of my first trimester. I want to know that this baby is safe and healthy for the long haul. 

My baby.
Mine.
I'm going to have a baby.

I am only technically 2 weeks pregnant, however you start counting from the first day of your last period, or for us savvy fertility people-if you read my blog, you can count yourself- cycle day 1 (cd1).  So that is where the other 2 weeks are coming from.  Unbelievably, next week Matt and I get to go to our first sonogram!!  Can you believe that?! I never imagined I would get to do it so soon...but this dr, he's a keeper, and he is setting the plan for me just as I had hoped for.

I cannot wait!!!

Pure bliss, -Natalie