PREVIOUSLY UNPUBLISHED POST 1 of 9
Yesterday I got my very first faint bfp.
It was right before Matt and I were to go out for sushi for Christmas eve-eve. Never did I expect to see those two lines before dinner! I had bought the tests to take on Christmas eve and Christmas day, but couldn't help myself and tested early.
I knew I couldn't tell Matt yet. What if I was wrong? I needed more tests, more results. I needed to put my "let's go to dinner" face on and act completely normal. I had a special way I wanted to tell Matt.
Dinner was almost impossible. It was all I could think of. I tried not to seem distracted. Later that night, I thought I only had 2 tests left. I decided to hold onto them until the next morning, so I could hopefully get a stronger line. I was overcome with nerves as I lie in bed. I tossed and turned and tried to put it out of my mind. I would get excited, and then I would shake my head, "no...don't be excited, don't get your hopes up"-I would try to tell myself. After a few hours of this I finally decided to get up, I had to use the bathroom reaaaaallly bad, and scavenge for another test. Low and behold, I found a dollar store test from last month. I locked myself in the guest bathroom, peed in a cup, and took the dollar store test, and the digital test I was saving for the next morning. I sat on the cold floor, my back against the bathtub. More faint positives. My heart was pounding. I squeezed my eyes closed as tears burst through. Could this really be it???
Oddly enough, the dollar store test gave me the strongest positive. I decided to put my special Christmas hope and dream into plan. I never thought this dream could come to fruition. I sneaked back into my room and grabbed a thin white shoe box. I had 2 little onsies that I had purchased and stashed away. The first one from a Britney Spears concert that said, "Ooops I did it again" (I know, never in public will a baby of mine wear it), the other a cute pale blue that said "Future Pro-Surfer", I got it in Newport, California. I taped 4 of the bfp tests together in twos and laid them on top of the onsies in the box. On stationary, I wrote: "Good morning DADDY. WE love you. Love, Mommy and baby." I folded it and placed it on top, and then wrapped the whole thing in Christmas paper. I was so restless that night. My excitement and nerves were through the roof.
The next morning, I woke up at 5:15 as Matt was stirring. We cuddled for a bit, and then I offered to take care of the dogs. I took another test downstairs and got another faint bfp. Soon enough, Matt was downstairs. I retrieved the gift I had stashed in the guest bedroom and laid it on the counter.
"What's this?"
"An early Christmas gift. Merry Christmas eve, honey."
After he opened it and got a look inside, Matt gave me this bewildered look, and asked "Really?!" a bunch of times. I was in tears as I just kept nodding yes. He even thought because there were two onsies in the box that we were having twins! I told him, "No, I mean, I don't know! It's too early!". It was the best moment of my life, telling my husband that we would finally be expecting our first baby. I'm still in shock. Just the day before I had gotten that first bfp, my heart was so heavy because I had taken a test that morning and it was negative. I couldn't even post words and so instead I posted The Suburbs song about wanting a daughter while I'm still young. How quickly things can turn around!
Tonight, we will be surprising my family with the news at church. Ah! I can't believe this is all happening!!
For this child I have prayed, and prayed, and prayed, -Natalie
No comments:
Post a Comment