Writer's block

It's been tough to write lately.

The one thing I want to write about has been off the table for a while now.  When I started this blog, I wrote about what I made for dinner and the things that my friends or family and I were doing.

...but then last August, after an 8 month hiatus, I returned with weekly updates on my experience with trying to conceive. It has been amazing sharing my feelings and putting them into words on my blog.  It has brought me back in touch with friends from way back when-closer than we ever were before- and has even allowed me to connect with some new friends. I absolutely love it.

So, here is my plan.

Matt and I have discussed it, and we have decided to go into full blown baby mode on Valentine's day.  Exactly 2 weeks from today.

I'm so anxious to bring you along this journey with me again!  Maybe I'll write next week, or maybe I'll just save up for a really fun, and big post for Valentine's day.  We shall see....

We've got this, Cupid, -Natalie

Marathon Matt

Matt ran his first marathon this past weekend at the 2012 Chevron Houston Marathon.  It was amazing to be there. Over 28,000 runners participated in it.

I was able to cheer Matt on at three different points in the race; 18 mile mark, 22 mile mark, and the finish.  We, my sister, Andrea and brother, Travis, had been waiting for about 15 minutes when we saw Matt about to run past us at the 18 mile mark. 

I have been to several of Matt's races and usually it's kind of a "now you see me, now you don't" type of thing when he's running/biking/swimming past where I am. I immediately knew something was wrong when Matt slowed down and stopped in front of us.  As Matt gave me a hug, I gave him a quick kiss and tried to encourage him along, but he lowered himself to the ground and began stretching his legs. He was in pain.

Since about December, Matt has been complaining about a pain deep in his abdomen.  I had urged him to go to the dr sooner, but I think he didn't want to find out what could potentially be wrong until he completed this marathon.  After stopping for a few seconds longer, Matt kept running.

Quick hug at 18 mm

Continuing despite the pain

At the 22 mile mark, with Matt still wincing as he ran by, I encouraged him to walk.  This was his first marathon, there really is a victory in just completing it.  If I were to have tried to do it, I would still probably be trying to finish it, 2 days later.

Running past mile 22

As soon as Matt had passed us at the 22 mile mark, we made our way to the finish line.  I was in tears as I watched couples holding hands and raising their arms as they crossed the finish line. I couldn't wait to see Matt and feel his relief of finishing it.  More time than I was comfortable with soon passed, and I began to grow more worried about Matt. I couldn't imagine what he was going through, more tears randomly continued to fall.  Finally, I saw his familiar white hat, green shirt, grey shorts.  We yelled and cheered as loud as we could.  This was it.  He had just run a marathon.  There was a big lump in my throat.

Steps away from crossing the finish line

A look at what the home stretch looks like.

I never like the end of a big race.  You always hope to embrace your loved one just as soon as they cross the finish line.  EVERYTHING is blocked off though.  It was a good 20 minutes before we were able to reunite.  The pain in Matt's stomach had caused him to compensate by using his left knee in a weird way.  He had stopped, with one mile left, and had to sit for 5 minutes to recover from the excruciating pain his knee was causing him.

Emotions running high...

Physically and mentally depleted. He needed this hug. I couldn't wait to give it.

We returned home that day, Sunday, and on Monday Matt went to the dr.  As it turns out, it is suspected that Matt has a hernia.  He meets with the surgeon sometime this week.

I would like to thank Andrea for setting up a place for us to stay that was so close and convenient to Matt's race.  It was really nice having her and Travis there to help me root Matt along and provide me the company while he was running.  They are so great and supportive.  We enjoyed the weekend with them.

Despite the pain, Matt finished his first marathon in 4 hours, 2 seconds. I think it is amazing and I am so proud of him.  He is really disappointed- he wanted a time that was about 50 minutes better than it.  ...but that's Matt, he pushes himself so hard and is so very disciplined.  It is pretty incredible.

One proud wife, -Natalie

Snot Stew

Taking a break from ttc has left me a little anxious.

The part I am missing most is taking my temperature in the morning. Weird, right?  I had to make a deliberate stop to it though. Taking a break means taking a break.  I didn't realize how it would make me feel sort of out-of-the-loop with my body. While I don't miss my 6AM alarm going off, I do miss being in the know.  I also miss charting. Plugging those numbers in and watching patterns emerge...yep, I miss that.

This week I have been struggling to get through a nasty cold/sinus thing, hence the late in the week post.  I could not be any less appealing to my husband: watery eyes, plugging my nose with tissue and leaving it there, raspy, nasal-y voice, and not the cute kind. It's been pretty gross.

Matt has been great though. Our pantry is stocked with every kind of soup possible and a couple days ago, he brought home a Neti pot!

Here it is!

Basically, you fill the pot with warm, filtered water and a packet of their soothing saline formula that has aloe vera extract and eucalyptus oil in it.  Once you put the lid on the pot and shake it around, you tilt your head to the side over a sink, press the spout against the upper nostril, and begin pouring!

Just let it flow! ...don't forget to breath!

Yes, the idea of pouring water in my nose freaked me out at first. I remember the painful sting of water going up my nose from our pool when I was younger. This does not feel like that though! After doing this on both nostrils, I was completely clear for like 2 hours!! I could breath!!

"Alllll-le-lu-ia!"

So, yes. This blog post has been a little bit about snot. ...and if you say " 'snot", I'll say " 'stew", and we'll go round and round....(Don't get too grossed out, "snot/stew" are the the combined words of "it is not" and "it is too".)

Yes, I'm referencing a book maybe you read as a child.

I would say I'm really liking 2012. It feels fresh. It feels like it holds amazing possibility. It's going to be the best year of my life.  Just you wait and see.


So, I started this post about missing my ttc routines, I crammed the middle with my snotty woes and fixes, and I ended with some optimism.  Let's call it a day. :)



Always random, -Natalie

Dr. Wilder

Last week, I met with the most amazing doctor, Dr. Wilder.

Dr. Wilder

...and yes, he did remind me of this Wilder.

Gene Wilder

Just a bit.

He was giggly and kind and wonderful.  I felt like he would be more hands on than my last dr had been. From now on I'm going with him!  We will see how it goes.  While I was there, I ran into one of my second mom's and her mother.  It felt like a sign. She also has been a patient of Dr. Wilder for forever, along with, as I'm coming to find out, several of my friends.  I have heard mixed reviews of him, mostly good, but I'm just going to have to see for myself.

I know that soon I will be a mother.  It makes me smile just thinking about it.  I do not feel stressed, but very content.  Everything is going to fall into place.  It is important that I have a dr that I feel makes me a priority.  A dr that has a plan for me. 

Get ready Dr. Wilder, you have just gained a patient who has big dreams!

Cup is still flipping half-full, -Natalie

Timing

"Life is all about timing...the unreachable becomes reachable,

the unavailable becomes available, the unattainable...attainable.

Have the patience. Wait it out.

It's all about timing." 

-Stacey Charter

It is just not my time to share the wonderful news that I so very much wish to share.

Matt and I have decided to take a break from Clomid.  Since I only have 3 cycles left to take it, we are just going to take it easy for a while...before jumping into the vigorous temp taking, Clomid swallowing that I have been doing.

...but I will not be a stranger to my blog that I so love.  I'll be back with next week's post.

I hope you all had a love-filled, wonderful Christmas.

See you next year, -Natalie

music for lack of words

"So can you understand,

why I want a daughter while I'm still young?

I wanna hold her hand and show her some beauty

before this damage is done.

But if it's too much to ask

if it's too much to ask...

...then send me a son."



Curiouser and curiouser...

"That's logic."

Ahoy, and other nautical expressions!

Oddly enough, I am two days into my 2ww! ...and I am only on cd 15! If you recall my previous blog posts, I am a late ovulator-I usually O on cd 23 or 24.  Just when I think that things are getting a little predictable, reality swoops in and says, "Oh, reeeeeally? You think you've got it figured out? Here's a dose of ME!"

 

Worst of all, it has made my mother right.  Having your mother be right can suck at any age. Especially when she comes from the old school mentality of "just relax, let it happen...".  Even though I had research and over a hundred days of taking my temperature to support me, my mom was able to pinpoint when I would O based on a feeling she had.

She told me about a week and a half ago to ttc on cycle days 13-16.

"...but Mom, I ovulate late. Historically."

"I know, but just keep it in mind for me. It's been on my mind to tell you this.

I just have a feeling."

The next thing you would have seen, if words of advice were visible, would be those words exiting out my right ear.  I had charts on my side. Averages. I did the thing that we daughters do oh so well: I smiled and nodded okay.  And then I forgot.

Skip forward to this past Friday, and I was having my follicles checked on cd 10.  It was kind of uncomfortable, but nothing to get nervous about, if I have to do it again.  Basically they are using a wand to check everything out from the inside.  I asked as many questions as I could think of.  They measured the amount of follicles I had on both ovaries, counted how many I had that were over 10 mm, and measured the lining of my uterus. 

fyi:

For a follicle to be deemed the "primary follicle" or "mature" it needs to be around 18mm.

Follicles grow 1-2 mm a day.

The lining of the uterus needs to be around 6-8 mm.

I had 5 follicles on my left ovary that were over 10 mm, and 6 follicles on my right ovary that were over 10 mm. The largest was on my right side and was almost 13 mm.  I was given three different measurements for my lining and they averaged out to be around 6 mm. Sounds pretty good, huh?  I was advised to begin taking opk's on cd 11. Sunday, cd 12, I had plans to drive to Waco to move my little sister home for the holidays from Baylor University (Well, hello RG3!).  I was BAFFLED when, just before I was about to leave, sans husband, I got a bfp opk! So baffled, in fact that I took 3 more opk's, just to be sure.  After I saw the second bfp opk, there was one thing I was sure of: there was no way I was leaving for Waco that night.

Needless to say, I postponed my trip until the following morning. 

I also ovulated that day-cd 13.  My temperature yesterday, cd 14 confirmed it with a huge spike from the progesterone that was released with the egg from the primary follicle. Did you know that progesterone actually attracts sperm?



In addition to furthering the maturing of the egg in the follicle, it links up to a protein that signals the sperm's tail to wiggle back and forth, helping it to propel to the egg, according to LiveScience.com.  DISCLAIMER: Please forgive me for all the information, I have become quite the fertility geek through my experience.

                                                                                                                                                           

To sum the last five days up, I now have an appointment to get my progesterone level checked again on cd 28.  My level is sure to be higher than the last time, which was .44,  since I am 99% sure I ovulated (still waiting on a third high temperature to fully confirm it). 

Until next week, my daydreaming is in full gear.  Hopefully, this Christmas - which is about two weeks away ;) - will be the best Christmas ever.

 Here's to singing "I'm late, I'm late, I'm late....",  -Natalie