Double it!

"You can take that, and double it!"

This guy, my husbands bff, knows all about "doubling it"...

...and now I do, too.

Last night was my last double dose of Clomid for my current cycle. The medications presence in my body has been pretty noticeable this new double time around. Oh, and something to know if you ever are on Clomid: When you go from 50mg to 100mg, you are not getting a different sized pill, you are taking two pills as opposed to one. ...and you are paying for the additional pills, too. That's right, I went from paying about $100 for five pills to paying almost $200 for ten pills. Unfortunately, fertility drugs are not covered by insurance. Lame, huh?

Friday night was my first time to take the two "Clo-pills".  I hardly have enough time to take a swig of water before they start melting on my tongue, and they taste terrible. 

I woke up Saturday with a terrible stomachache. My tum was swollen and made really weird noises all day.  It was like I could hear my body reacting.  I felt some mild throbbing sensations in my ovaries, which were also a bit swollen. "A bit" actually meant that I could literally see two lumps where my ovaries are located, and I could feel them, from the outside, as well. Fortunately that went away by the end of the day. 

I have said this before, Clomid makes me feel good. It is so bizarre. I feel more collected, calm, happy(?) when I am on it (obviously minus the stomachache).  This is completely opposite of what I have read in online blogs and forums where Clomid was described as such a crazy pill.  I'm thankful I have not had any real issues with it yet.

So now I'm on cd 8. I had talked to Gina, my dr's p.a.-I should've just mentioned her name the first time-about having my follicles checked. She said they did that around cd 11, which would be Saturday for me. I guess I should call and maybe schedule something for this Friday (cd 10) or Monday (cd 13). I have a slight feeling like I might be bothersome or annoying, calling and asking for these appts, but I wash that feeling away with my incredibly surplus-ing feeling of wanting to do anything possible to help me achieve pregnancy. 

Gotta do what you gotta do, -Natalie

Round three

I'm nervous.

Two nights ago, while sitting in the most fabulous book group, I'll have to share about it later, but check out two great reviews here and here -thank you Anna and Ericka- anyways, while sitting there my dr.'s p.a called.  She said that after discussing my last cycle's mess, that my dr. wanted to double my Clomid dose this month. Cue my nerves.

So, for my next cycle, on cd 3, instead of taking one 50mg pill of Clomid, I will be taking two. Did I mention that that is today...? Yes, I am in a new cycle-relieved to move on from the last confusing cycle-and today is cd 3.

I have talked with my dr's p.a every night this week since Monday. It's kind of ironic, because Tuesday during the day, I was discussing with a friend that I was considering switching doctors. I felt like I wasn't as much of a priority as the girls who were already pregnant. However, as soon as I vocalized my concern, I have been in communication with that office every night since. It's a relief, I've been with my dr. since I was 19, and I really do like her.

I guess I'm finally coming to terms with the fact that I did not O last cycle, even though I was on Clomid. There are really two factors that have me so nervous about doubling my Clomid dose. First, I definitely noticed a change in myself while on Clomid. It was a relief that I didn't feel like a crazy person, but I did feel a little out of sorts at times. Will doubling my dose make me a crazy person?

Yikes. Remember her? I wonder if she was on Clomid...?

What is it going to do to my body? I could feel the single dose's affects on my body. Will this be worse?

Second, what if it works?

Haha, I know...that's the whole point, but again, what if it works? The feeling that this question gives me is kind of indescribable. A few words that do come to mind: oh my goodness, ahh, eee, (huge breath suck-in).... It's a nervous, anxious type of feeling.

I have prepped Matt for what I feel might come: more anti-emotions (where I don't care about other's feelings), weight gain (I reeeeally hope this doesn't happen, being that it's holiday season DOES NOT help), and lower stomach pains. I explained to him that these symptoms are what I have to go through for us. So naturally, he has to sacrifice and endure some things, too. Example: instead of picking battles, getting used to just waving a white flag,

giving more love than I deserve,

Might be necessary.

and complimenting me in my favorite pink sweat pants.

I refuse to buy larger sized jeans-you know, the comfy kind that you slip on when you get home. My comfy jeans have become my normal jeans. I refuse to gain weight, too, but it seems like with Clomid, I don't have much say in that.

So, if you see my sweet husband, please be extra nice to him. I'm going to try my hardest to be the sweetest southern belle I can be, but girls, we all know sometimes we can just lose our grip on hormones and they can get the best of us. Woopsie....

"Just listen and nod, listen and nod..."

Thankfully, it's such a jolly time of year and I have a wonderful family and amazing friends. I need you this month! I'm strong, but still a little scared. Thank you for being there for me, I already know you will be. :)

Ho, ho, hormonal, -Natalie

This shizz is confusing!

Let's just jump right into it.

I had my progesterone tested last week. With it being a holiday week, I was prepared to not hear back for a few days. (...and I do hope everyone enjoyed their Thanksgiving!)

According to fertility friend, I had a possible "start of a new cycle 1 day" (aka: period.) of this past Friday, which would have been cd 30. Fertility friend has not picked up an O for this cycle yet. In fact, my chart has been super confusing. On cd 19, I had a temperature spike...you'll remember that from a previous post. However, I never had a sustained temperature rise. Over our anniversary weekend, I had another temperature spike, but again, no sustained rise. Usually, you will see a definite shift in temperature change from your follicular phase to your luteal phase. Unfortunately, this has not happened for me this month.

On Monday, after still not hearing from my dr., I called and was given my progesterone results. They said that my levels were really low, which indicated to them that I did not ovulate. Meaning, that no egg was released to be fertilized. Let me school you further: when an egg is released from the follicle that holds it, the hormone progesterone is also released. Progesterone is a hot hormone and warms your body, thus making your temperature rise. Since my progesterone level was low, they assume I did not ovulate.

Today is cd 34 for me. I don't know whether to be excited that I'm "late" or if I should still be waiting to ovulate.

I am on Clomid! Clomid is supposed to MAKE me O! I had several symptoms indicating to me that I did O. Maybe I could be an exception? Because this is so very confusing, I'm dying for more information. I'm thinking about asking for an ultrasound to check out my follicles. I still feel sensations going on, so it's worth it to me to check it out.

Hopefully I will know more soon. I still have one month to conceive before 2011 is over, which is my goal!

Still scratching my head, -Natalie

Stick it to me

I'm getting my progesterone levels tested next Monday!!

What the heck does this mean? Well, don't worry. I put on some good research music and got to researching for us!

It's not a good or bad thing. ...but I am excited. Like my good friend Anna said on my facebook page, it's pro-active!

In a nutshell, progesterone testing gives information on how I ovulate. My blood is drawn, and hopefully in a timely manner, my dr. will call to give me the results. They are checking my levels of progesterone to see if I'm ovulating, when I ovulated, basically verifying that I am ovulating normally.

Kind of similar to the way my temperature rises after I have O'd, my levels of progesterone should raise as the egg is released (O) and then continue to rise for several days, falling down if I start my cycle over, or continuing to rise if I am pregnant!

Here is an interesting little tidbit: My progesterone levels would be higher if I am pregnant with multiples. Eek!

I have a very small increased chance that I might have twins from Clomid. Small.

My husband would tell you he would rather get it all done at once. Me? If it happens, it happens and I will feel so very blessed and happy to be pregnant with either one or two babies.

...and might I add this. I despise needles getting any where near me. Truly fear it.

Yep. This is how I always imagine it.

...but I'm getting my flipping progesterone levels tested!!! I'm getting closer to having to apologize for my lack of posting because I have a baby on my arm, I have a baby keeping me up all night, I have a baby that just wants me to adore him/her all day long, etc.!!

"Oh! So sorry! I've been too busy to write.
My biggest dream came true

and I am the happiest girl in the universe...."

This is going to be me soon! I can just feel it!

Big smile, -Natalie

O, no!!

Not cool. Not cool at all.

Last cycle: O-CD 23
Two cycles ago: O-CD 24

After taking my temperature this morning, I got an unexpected surprise. ...and I wouldn't necessarily call this one a good surprise.

My temperature spiked today. Yesterday, my temperature dipped. O has not been confirmed by three consecutive temperatures, but it appears to me to be glaringly obvious that I O'd yesterday, on an unplanned, mere CD 19.

Uhhhh...and yesterday while I was aware of this small dip my temperature did (it went from 96.8 to 96.23, and then this morning to 97.05) I thought it was because I might have been cold or something.

HOW NOVICE OF ME?!

I am more educated on this stuff than that! If you are cold, or hot, no matter how you feel on the outside, it is not reflected what your temperature is basal-y.

I am so frustrated with myself. I thought I had until this coming Friday or Saturday. Yesterday, when I should have been totally focused on TTC, I spent most of the day shopping. Then I had dinner with my sister. Then I looked at all of my treasures I had purchased the rest of the night, waking up Matt in the process and not putting myself to bed until a little after 2:00 AM. Yes, really.

Hope may not be completely lost though. There is still a chance that it could happen for us from some unintentional TTC. Pre-game warm up if you will? (Note: You can become pregnant from an encounter that could have happened up to five days before O, and nothing in between.) It will just not be according to my plan.

...but maybe that's the whole point of this potenial early O.

Ah, an epiphany has come to me through typing the thoughts as they come. Since when has my plan ever been better than what God has blessed me with?

I surrender. -Natalie

Blessed are those who put their trust in the Lord.

Psalm 2:12

Get..that..dirt off my shoulder!

Somehow, taking candy from a baby has now become funny.

I started to write this blog last week. It's crazy how in so short of time videos such as the one above can already be described as yesterday's news. I still think it's incredibly funny though. Surely many of you have already seen it, but to give it a little synopsis: Jimmy Kimmel asked parents to film their children while telling them they ate all of their Halloween candy. Check it out if you haven't seen it!

My shoulders are officially dusted off from last cycle's "practice" and this month I am again ready to see if we can, eh hem, score. (...? Please excuse the bad pun.) 

Anyway, my 3rd wedding anniversary is coming up! That's right, me and my husband have been married for almost 3 years...and I have been in love with the guy for 8 years!!

This is in 2005 I think. We rode bicycles to a park, spread a blanket on a hill, and watched Endless Summer.

...and this is a few months ago in San Diego!

Our big anniversary weekend falls in my most fertile time!!

...brown chicken brown cow!

For our anniversary last year, Matt reserved us a room at the Mayan Princess in Port Aransas. We had an aaaaamaaaazing time! The hotel was gorgeous. We even had a huge jacuzzi in our room!

So nice!

The Mayan Princess in Port Aransas, Texas

It was such a romantic weekend, with the exception of Matt breaking one of our wedding champagne flutes; note: if you are going to make a toast, make sure the stem of your glass is clear of the ice-bucket. :) We ate dinner at our favorite place in Port Aransas, Shells!

Shells in Port Aransas, Texas

A quick review on Shells from yours truly:

When you first step into the restaurant, it is immediately evident how low key the place is. Actually, the outside is also nothing fancy or eye catching. If you didn't know any better, you might think it's just this quaint, little bistro...to me though, it is more of a hidden gem. There is no real foyer area, so once you open the door and step inside..you're in the restaurant.

...but the food, ....oh, the food. It is quite simply delicious. I consider myself to be some-what of a foodie: a person devoted to refined sensuous enjoyment (especially good food and drink). I can appreciate even the simplest of things about good food and drink, like for example keeping hot food hot and cold food cold or perfect temperatured beverages. It is apparent that Shells shares my sentiment on this and other things. They also keep a pretty good selection of wines that you can pair with some of my favorite entrees, such as the Grouper with Sage Brown Butter, Veal Rib-eye with Green Peppercorn Dijon Cream Sauce, or the Chipotle Cream Pasta. The flavors of each dish are delicate and everything is cooked to perfection. My mouth is watering as I type this! Long story short, you must try Shells if you can!!

Since we had such a fabulous time last year, we absolutely intend on repeating it this year! Our anniversary is on a Tuesday, but we will celebrate it the weekend before...especially since I will O either that Friday, or Saturday!!
I'm on CD 14 today and I'm still feeling pretty good. I haven't noticed any weight gain this cycle, and hopefully won't either. Oddly enough, I have found myself losing some of my appetite when I eat. Maybe this Clomid isn't very consistent, IDK. My emotions are still in check and I feel pretty light-hearted. I'm happy and hopeful. Life is good.

Now, BRING ON A BABY!!

Again, please?, -Natalie

Three Little Birds

"I always like to look on the optimistic side of life, but I am realistic enough to know that life is a complex matter." -Walt Disney

Today is the day that I share that I am not pregnant from last month's "perfect timing" cycle. It took me a few days to get my mind and heart intact to actually write that I am without a doubt not pregnant. Isn't it crazy that you can get everything right and it's still not good enough?

I started taking Clomid again on Saturday, which was CD 3 for me. Today I am on CD 6 and feeling pretty good. Well, as good as can be.

It's ok, it's ok, it's ok...I have to remind myself, "It's ok!". It will happen when the time is right. I just really thought that I had such a strong chance. This might sound a little silly, but I feel inclined to even apologize to my readers...I know a few of you have high hopes for me, too. I really appreciate all of the nice messages and thoughtful things that are said to me. It's funny that in addition to the way I feel about not being pregnant, I feel bad for my readers as well. I had hoped to share good news with you.

So now I am in my second Clomid cycle. I hadn't mentioned this before, but last time (2 cycles ago) I took Clomid, it made me gain like almost 10 lbs!! This time I'm trying to be really aware of what I'm eating, how much I'm eating, and the exercise that I now HAVE to do. I lost most of what I gained last cycle, but not all. I cannot afford to gain it back or even worse, more weight than last time, NO WAY JOSE!

It is weird how Clomid can be kind of numbing. That extra boost of estrogen is almost like a punch in the stomach-literally I get a bit of a stomachache, but also figuratively-, especially after the woes that the progesterone made me endure. I have gone from crying at the drop of a hat the last 2 weeks to now feeling extremely nonchalant. Maybe it's a blessing? I haven't cried or gotten emotional about still TTC. I have taken one day at a time, still praying, but not wallowing. I think that's all I can do, right?

"As I look forward, I'm very optimistic about the things I see ahead." -Bill Gates

Me, too, -Natalie