Charlotte York

Oh, Charlotte York. Do you remember this moment in Sex & the City?  She was given a baby toy that had the sweet message engraved on it by Trey, her husband before Harry. I remember hearing those words the first time several years ago and liking them. I heard them again a few months ago on a sleepy-Sex & the City-watching-Sunday and they took my breath away.  Charlotte York was always my favorite character on Sex & the City. She was more conservative, Episcopalian-that's me!, traditional, and her dream was to have a wonderful husband and family. She learned that not everything has to be perfect to have it.  When I watch old episodes of her having a difficult time conceiving, I truly feel for her. When she finds out that she is pregnant in the first movie, I cried. Triumph!



I'm starting to think I got a false positive opk. It's disappointing, but I would rather see a false opk than a false hpt.  My bbt is what is leading me to think that the test was false because I have not seen the temperature increase. For the last three days my bbt has been at 96.5 and has just been hanging out in that range. Had I ovulated, my temperature range would have increased the day after. This has not happened.

So...this is not terrible.  It just means that my cycle is longer than average. That's ok.  I'll hopefully O in the next week. We shall see...

This weekend is my birthday weekend..my birthday is next Tuesday. I'm really excited to celebrate with some good friends and family. Occasions such as this can raise questions in my mind. Could this be my last birthday before I become a mother? Lately any occasion makes me wonder that. Hopefully in due time I will know the answer to the question.

Embracing the Charlotte in me, -Natalie

My 1st BFP OPK!

I am so excited!!

Why might you ask?

Because I got a BIG FAT POSITIVE ovulation predictor test today!! 

CD 15 Positive OPK

What does this mean?

Well. The test detected a surge of LH. This is the last hormone to peak before ovulation. So basically, I could ovulate anywhere from today until two days from now. I've never seen a bfp opk before! Hopefully from the Clomid I am a fertile Myrtle and with some good BD timing, magic can happen!

As I type this, I just watched the Beyonce VMA performance. When she finished her song, she dropped the microphone and revealed a beautiful baby bump! Quick shot to a proud Jay-Z jumping around and getting congratulated by Kanye West had me almost in tears. I can't wait to see the look on Matt's face when we tell people that I am pregnant. Bliss!

Let me write about Matt. Last night we went to one of the most beautiful weddings. It was a bicycle ride out to the beach at sunset where about 20 or so of us gathered around the bride and groom at the waters edge of the beach and watched them pledge their love and vows to each other. I had tears streaming down my face, it was so lovely. (Congratulations E & T!) Riding back to the reception location, the bride mentioned Matt and my anniversary, which is coming up in November. She thought we could do something like the bike ride for it. Thinking out loud I said, "I might have a baby on the way by then." 

On the way home that night, Matt said it dawned on him that, not only COULD we, but that we WOULD have a baby on the way. He said he just knew it. Then, on a trip to Rockport today, he told me about something that was said by one of his favorite talk radio guys from Covino and Rich. Covino recently got married and had a baby girl. He said that if asked 5 years ago whether he wanted a boy or girl, he would have said "Boy, hands down."...but now that he has his baby girl, that if God were to come to him and give him the chance to go back and instead have a boy, he would say "No way in hell. My daughter is the coolest and best little Daddy's girl ever."  Matt, who has an admiration for this guy, said it really struck him. All along he's been very "pro-boy", but now he's very excited either way.  Oh, how my heart soars...

My sweet husband

Thank you for all of your support, prayers, and well wishes. Whether pregnancy happens or not for us this month, we are in such a thrilling place in our lives. I have faith that everything is going to be just perfect.

HUGE happy face, -Natalie

Don't you know I'm TTC?!

Today is CD 14. CD 14 is the day that most drs associate with the big "O" day.
I don't think that will be the case for me though.
My BBT has continued to be in the lower range and all of the OPKs have been negative. Other signs are also leading me to think, "Getting close, but not yet". 

I had to deal with a scary confrontation yesterday. If you know me, I would rather dig a hole with my bare hands and hide in it then have to deal with a confrontation.  Had I not dealt with this one though, it would have found me next Wednesday when the evil troll I needed to confront would be giving me a weekly call.

Every Wednesday a guy named Henry calls me to see if I am sending him customers. He works for a credit company that uses the same coding through the Federal Trade Commission to improve credit scores that other companies use to make it negative. It's actually pretty cool and I know first hand that it works. I wanted to see the results before we sent them any of our customers that were having a hard time buying from our dealership because of their credit score. Anyway, it's not something that happens over night and, even though we've seen good results, it's been kind of difficult getting our sales guys on board with it...it's tough to add or change your process when you've done it for years. So Henry has been getting impatient that we have not been sending him customers and really let me have it on Wednesday.

Could you imagine yelling at someone for them not giving you business? Imagine a hair dresser calling you to ask if you would send them customers. You try them out, pay for the service, and say, "Yeah, you're pretty good. I'll see what I can do."  Then when you don't sent them customers, not for lack of effort, they bite your head off. Sorry Henry, but you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar.  I have never been spoken to in my work environment the way he spoke to me. It was as if he was my boss and I wasn't doing my job. He even had the audacity to basically say I owed him customers since I had them work on my credit-which I paid for and he recommended I do.  I was caught off guard and completely shaken after the call. It ruined my day.

That night I laid in bed worrying about it. I started to get a little angry. Doesn't this jerk know I am TTC and should not be stressing!? Obviously he didn't, but I'm really trying to not stress right now, because we are TTC.  I had to deal with this to prevent further stress.  I stayed up late rehearsing everything I wanted to say. Then Thursday came...and went. I didn't call.

Round 2 of rehearsing what I wanted to say Thursday night. Another day of agonizing over making the call had gone by..another stressful day. This could potentially disrupt my cycle. I couldn't have that! Friday morning came. The phone in my office must have weighed a gazillion pounds. My heart was pounding, my hands were clammy. Here we go...

"Rock Credit, Henry speaking"

"Hi, Henry..this is Natalie from...."

"Hey, Natalie!"

"I wanted to talk to you about our conversation Wednesday."

"Okay...?"

"I understand that you might be under some pressure to have customers, but I felt like that conversation was completely inappropriate.  If you can speak to me like that, I have to consider how you are going to speak to our customers. If we are going to continue this business relationship..."

Henry interrupts. "IF YOU DON'T LIKE ME YOU CAN TALK TO SOMEONE ELSE!!" 

As my heart is about to burst out of my chest I hear the phone drop and it is retrieved by a kinder voice. I'm not sure what happened on the other end, but as it turns out, it was the owner, and he was mortified.  He completely put me at ease and apologised over and over after I described everything that had happened. I could feel like we were on the same page. We ended our conversation with me saying that it would take some time for me to shake this feeling that Henry had given me, but that I did see the benefits to what his company could do and would still keep them in mind. He said Henry would never be calling me again. Thank God!!

Getting to and through that conversation was soooo extremely challenging for me. However, had I not, I would still be stressing about it at this moment, dreading Wednesday when Henry would call again. TTC has put things in perspective for me. If I wasn't worried about the toll that it could potentially take on us conceiving, I may have accepted his behavior and dealt with it for who knows how long.  It was scary and I'm proud of myself for dealing with it. 

Winning, -Natalie

Break Down

Why am I taking my temperature?
Why take an OPK?

It occurred to me that it might be helpful if I break it down-thanks, Nicole!

**Please note that I added an abbreviations list to the right of my blog!**

Every morning I take my waking bbt and chart it. Right after we women O, ovulate mind you, our temperature jumps up from several days of being in a lower range. This jump is literally maybe one degree or so.  If BD timing is perfect, and after O you get 18 consecutive days of high temperatures, you're PREGNANT! OPK's assist you in perfect BD timing in that they detect a surge of the luteinizing hormone, LH, right before you O. Ideally, you should do your little BD 2 days before and the day of O.

Here is an example of a successful fertility friend chart:

From this chart you can see that O happened on CD 17, at the cross-hair. After which she had 18 consecutive high temperatures and actually got a positive pregnancy test at 12 DPO.  What's interesting with this chart is that she tested with an OPK right before her BBT detected O and got negative results. Had she only relied on OPK and not her BBT or CM (cervical mucus-I will not be discussing this on my blog.), she may not have gotten her BFP.

If she had not conceived, her temperatures would have fallen back down to the lower range that you see on her chart before O.

This is why I feel like I am building my game plan! Months ago I failed at keeping up with my BBT. I woke up, took my temperature, looked at it, and went back to sleep. The next morning I did the same thing and thought to myself, "What a waste of time!". I thought that I only needed to look at my temps and that I would suddenly see this HUGE change. I was clueless.  I didn't even chart it! Now that I really comprehend all of the information my body gives me, I can't wait to chart and interpret it! It's as if I finally turned the light on...I had no idea that I had been in the dark for so long. It's very exciting.

I will be taking another OPK this afternoon.

Cluefull, -Natalie

Get it together Emoticon

At 4:45 this afternoon I took my first opk while on my first Clomid cycle.

A positive test will show a smiley face in the result screen. That's nice.

A negative test will show an empty circle. Hmm.

I got a negative test.

Could I at least have something like this:

Just teasing...I predicted today would be a bit too early. My fertility friend chart is really starting to get interesting.  My temperatures have been staying in the low range. With the combination of the opk's and my bbt's, I should begin to see the making of a pregnancy game plan!

Happy face, -Natalie

Afternoon Delight

Saturday night was my last night of Clomid. I kind of miss it. It really makes me wonder if I may have some sort of hormone imbalance. My body definitely liked the extra estrogen.  Monday I felt a little out of whack. I felt irritable. I couldn't find a hair clip and thought steam was going to blow out of my ears. I took a deep breath though and realized this couldn't be a 'real' feeling.

When Matt came home, I was already making dinner (pepper-steak with sauteed vegetables and a salad). I'm not sure what he said, but I do remember giving a tight smile and asking for a glass of wine.  Being aware that I could be letting hormones get the best of me seems to help, it's like somehow I am able to take control of the situation. We ended up having a nice and relaxing night, fortunately.

Monday was my day off and I tried to make the most of it. I booked myself a manicure and a facial with a plant peel add-on. It was wonderful. I dropped Lilly, my Yorkie, off at the groomers before I went. I got alllll (emphasis on the "all") of my laundry done and went grocery shopping. It was a good day. 

Today I have reached cd 11. It's the big start of the next several days of doing ovulation predictor kits! How fun does that sound?! Seriously though, I am a little excited. It will be interesting to see some results. I don't think I will see a positive opk test for at least a few days, but with this Clomid in my system, all bets are off..so I would rather start on the recommended day.



Speaking of Clomid...I have been imagining what must be going on in my body right about now.  The follicle that allows the egg to burst through are supposed to be growing pretty well. I am on 50mg, which is the typical first amount given.  With Clomid, I could even have more than one follicle growing! Check out one of the comments from a forum I follow:

" I was on 100mg this month. I went in on day 12 and I had 2 eggs at 12mm. So I went back on day 14 and they had grown to 17mm and 21mm! I got a trigger shot that day and got my BFP this morning!"

If you guessed "BFP" stands for "big fat positive", you guessed correctly! Now, I am not interested in trigger shots yet...really anything that has a needle is very uninteresting to me. I'm sure some of you mothers reading are thinking, "Well, get ready! You're about to get really familiar with needles once you're pregnant!" Thanks, I'm aware. :) My hopes are up in a positive way, but I'm keeping my feet on the ground...and I'm prepared to see a BFN, too.

Ashley, my Young Life leader back in high school, recommended I read "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" by Toni Weschler.

I cannot put it down. It's really interesting. There are so many things that go on with our bodies every month that many of us are not privy to and are uneducated about. What we are missing in "TMI" from our friends and family..this book provides. I also picked up "What to Expect Before You're Expecting".



I haven't opened this book yet, but couldn't resist buying it. It's the closest to "What to Expect When You're Expecting" I can get right now!

The best time to do the opk is the afternoon. A delight? Maybe. Taking time out of my day to be best prepared to have our baby sooner? Absolutely!

Sky rockets in flight, -Natalie



Pregnancy Prep 101

Last August I decided to make a few changes to start preparing my body to be as good of a "baby home" as I could.

One of the most difficult changes I made was getting off Adderall. Oh, how I miss it...but since it contributes to low birth rate and my dr. was very insistent that I stop taking it, it was something I had to do.

I began taking folic acid and b12 that I had bought at Sam's Club. Then I found the chewable pre-natals. They were alright, but didn't have enough of what was recommended. My chiropractor now has me on some really great whole food supplements. They are made by a company called Standard Process and are sold exclusively through health care professionals. I love them. You do not have to take them with a meal..all of the ingredients are organically grown, untreated, and free of genetically modified organisms (gmo).

Here is what I'm taking:

Catalyn: 2 supplements taken twice daily: It has given me a noticeable increase in energy, maintains cellular health, keeps your skin and heart healthy, and supports healthy metabolism.
*****UPDATE: I have stopped taking Catalyn upon seeing that it has dried pea juice; peas are a food to avoid when ttc.*****

FemCo: 1 supplement taken three times daily: This is my favorite. Not only does it help a lot with pms symptoms, it also encourages healthy menstrual cycling, and eases the effects of everyday tension and stress. I have felt happier and more at peace since I started taking it. I highly recommend FemCo.

Folic Acid B12:  2 supplements taken twice daily: Reduces the risk of birth defects and supports healthy nervous system development. It also has helped with my energy.

I am really lacking in exercising enough. There just doesn't seem to be enough time in the day and my weekends usually are filled with out-of-town trips or simply catching up on r&r and laundry or having friends or family over.  These are my reasons. However, Matt works out allll the time...and unfortunately for my justified reasons, we have exactly the same schedule.  I really need to make it more of a priority.

We eat pretty well. I accompany lunch and dinner with a salad most of the time. The more folate the better. Matt makes most of our lunches at home with deli meats that don't have the preservatives that the packaged meat does. We are trying to steer clear of fast food. Aside from french fries, it really isn't that hard. I've managed to gross myself out of eating hamburgers and eggs from fast food places. I've noticed that Schlotzsky's cooks do not use gloves, at least where I live. Gross. ..and on the way to Waco, we stopped at a What-A-Burger where clear as day, we could see the cooks preparing food, glove-less! The sight of the guy with one hand in his pocket, the other grabbing a bare-handful of lettuce will never leave me. *Note: I'll have to research to see if this is legal, shouldn't there me some health code against it??* When I do get fast food, my number one choice is Chik-Fil-A. Everything just seems better there.

Alcohol and caffeine were not difficult to cut back on. I have about 1 cup of coffee and 1 Diet Coke a day. I love wine after I get off of work, but it is not irresistible.  It can't be. Soon enough it will join its self with Adderall on the curb.

Check out the links to the Standard Process supplements. They will direct you to more information if you are interested.


More and more ready, -Natalie

Clo-moody? I don't think so!

So Clomid is not so bad, in my experience at least.

I cried all the way to Rockport Tuesday after work. I had dreaded that day of starting the process of moving Betsy, my sweet little sister, almost 6 hours away.

Tuesday night I took the first pill. I was so nervous. That night I had some pretty weird dreams. I woke up with some really bad cramps that kind of lingered on through the day. I also felt sensations in my ovaries.  My mother and I drove Betsy to Waco...after stopping a few times, the trip took us about 7 hours. It was time with my mom and Betsy though, so I didn't mind.

I took the next pill in our hotel. No weird dreams that night, and no cramps the next morning either. We shopped till we dropped getting her dorm cozy and well stocked. It was over 100 degrees outside. My emotions were in check and I felt pretty good. I found myself getting very nervous about saying goodbye to her. As we were making our last stop in Target, I realized that I would need to be leaving soon. The lump in my throat was painful.

I was in tears when I dropped Betsy off to join her roommates in welcome festivities. I tried to remember everything I wanted to tell her: don't let your roommate drive you around-if you don't feel after the first time of being in her car that she's a good driver, never get into a car with an un-designated driver, always make sure you are aware of your surroundings, etc. I'm not sure what I managed to get out...and the fact that she had tears too only made it more difficult for me to talk and remember what to say.

As soon as I found myself alone in my car, I finally gave in to my tears, sobs really. I called Matt and cried freely. I do not think the Clomid had an affect on my emotions, especially since I had cried all the way to Rockport before I had started it. In all honesty, I think it has actually made me feel kind of good. I have not had any hot flashes, headaches, blurred vision, or anything like that. I'm so thankful and I feel really happy and excited. Having my body respond badly to the drug was something I was nervous about. 

So now I have two pills left. One tonight, and one Saturday night.  Next week I will begin testing with my ovulation predictor kit (opk) on cd 11.  I have been tracking my basal body temperature (bbt) on fertilityfriend.com. Hopefully I will get the timing perfect.  I know this all sounds a bit clinical and sciency, but after almost a year of waiting...this is where I find myself. It's not too bad. Matt has kind of gotten into it, too....well, a little bit, in his own way. Hopefully I get a positive ovulation result and then it's on to the two week wait (tww). :)

I'll end this post with one of my favorite videos of Betsy.

Proud big sister, -Natalie



Tonight's the night!

CD 3 is here!!

Tonight I will be taking my first Clomid pill.  I'm taking it tonight so I can hopefully sleep through the side effects. Some of which include:

hot flashes

bloating and abdominal discomfort

mood swings

weight gain (less than 1 % reported)

nausea and dizziness

headaches

blurred vision

breast tenderness

nightmares 

ovarian cysts (yikes!)

ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome (less than 1% reported)

twins (6.9% chance) triplets (.5%)

I'm going into this with my eyes wide open. Taking Clomid is not something that should be done without lots of thought, research, and most important for me, prayer. 

After work, I'm going to pick up my prescription, go home and pack, and drive to Rockport where I will be spending the night. Tomorrow my mom and I are driving Betsy, my youngest sister, to Waco to move her into her dorm at Baylor. I'm already a little wrecked over it. I'll have to do my best to keep my emotions in check, especially while being on Clomid.

I have the butterflies in a kind of major way. Could this be the month my dream will come true?

Cautiously optimistic, -Natalie



"Cause I'm a MAN!"

So, it looks like Matt got a big thumbs up when it comes to his "guys".

Sperm.
Semen.

There, I wrote it.

Anyway, for some odd reason, even though it was not my dr, but his, who referred him to the lab...his dr was not the one who was supposed to give him his results, but my dr, to me. Weird, huh?

Well, when I gave Matt the news that he was good, he replied with, "Yeah, cause I'm a MAN!"

...and he is. He's my sweet, silly husband that says things like that and makes me laugh. Gotta love him.

It's a huge relief that he is in fact "good". If he would not have been, we would have had to look into adoption, which I am definitely not opposed to, but know that it is a long process. Truthfully, I also really want to experience being pregnant. I am so intrigued and curious about it..it's so amazing to think of what our bodies are capable of. While there is relief, there is also some guilt I feel, too. It's as if the burden of us not conceiving is on me. Hmm. I know there are several factors that have to align to create life. I believe in our Plan. It's just a guilt that sometimes creeps into my brain...I know better than to let it get to me though.

I still have not reached my CD 1. I thought there would be a chance that I would be starting Clomid this Sunday on CD 3. Surely my body is still recovering from the cyst. Maybe I just need more time to get back on track. We shall see...

Time to take my gazillion vitamins I'm on. I plan on blogging about that soon.

Men, Men, Men, Men, Manly Men, Men, Men, -Natalie

2011 Recap

So how did we get from Matt not being quite ready to where we are now?

Let me break it down.

We enjoyed really great visits with our closest friends during the holiday season.

Our annual holiday party.

So happy Nicole was in town!

Watching Knox, Anna's baby, play around the house.

 We had a wonderful Christmas with both of our families.

At my church in Rockport.

On our way home from Rockport, after Christmas, Matt and I had the most wonderful conversation. He said that he was ready to start our family and hoped that 2011 would be our year. I was bursting with happiness.

So we started 2011 with family on our minds.

We visited California in March for Matt's cousin Jessie's wedding. It was one of the best and most love-filled trips we have ever taken.

Laguna Beach

We had high hopes and prayed that this trip would be the special time when we might conceive our baby.  ...but I knew shortly when we returned that it wouldn't be in the Great Plan for us.

So, I called my Dr.

Asked for Clomid.

And was told I would need to wait at least until June since she wanted us to be TTC for 6 months, and at that point we had only been TTC officially for 3 months, but actually unofficially for 5 months.

That month I began seeing a chiropractor and started to see really great results in my body other than my back. As June quickly approached, I knew I wanted to see if we could "do it on our own" without the help.  I got really excited when I began to get nauseated after every meal in June and was having some weird stomach pains. I went to my Dr. and he even confirmed that it could be early pregnancy. Outwardly, I was cautiously optimistic, but in my heart I was screaming for joy, and began carrying myself as if I could be pregnant.  I even began lightly laying my hand over where I thought a life could be forming. 

As it turned out, my symptoms were being caused by a luteal cyst, a painful luteal cyst. I was crushed.

I asked my dr. if taking Clomid would help prevent this from happening again...but she said that the drug actually can cause them from stimulating more eggs to be released; a cyst is formed from the follicle that releases the egg.

I took one day at a time and got through it. I pushed Clomid off until August.

So here we are today.

I've prayed about it. I'm supposed to start it on day 3 of my cycle. Honestly, I'm hoping day 1 never comes and we will find ourselves expecting.  If that is not the case, I have called my Dr. and she has notified my pharmacy to fill my first prescription for Clomid. If it helps us to get our baby to us sooner...I'll take 6 more cysts. :)

Wishing & Hoping & Praying, Natalie

Don't call it a comeback...

Hello all.  :)

After some time away of getting overwhelmed with all that I wanted to post...parties..dinners...vacations...recipes, etc....

I've decided to let you in on some new developments regarding Matt and I TTC (trying to conceive).

I'm really excited to document what I feel as a renewed start and more focused TTC time.  Note: I'll have to put an abbreviations legend some where on my bloggy so I don't totally defeat the purpose of abbreviating...and then spelling out the abbreviation.

Last week my Dr. approved Clomid for me.  This Monday, Matt went and had his guys checked. If I am where I think I am in my cycle, I should be embarking on my first Clomid cycle this weekend.

Since I hope to keep up with how it goes...if you aren't into this sort of thing..here is your fair warning. I am so excited and so hopeful! Here's to getting pregnant in 2011!!

I welcome support and prayers.

Hopeful future Mommy, Natalie