No means NO! Shouldn't it?

**Warning: This post contains information that may be TMI for some.**

I hope to keep this one short and sweet mostly due to the fact that my mood right now could be simply summed up with "ugghhh" as I frown and look down to the side......

Why can't "no", just mean "no" in the pregnancy test world?!

I am on CD 34 and I am 11 DPO. I have currently seen 4 BFN pregnancy tests every morning since CD 8. What's frustrating, is that as much as I want a BFP, it is hard when I see a BFN because I know that there is still a chance that it could be positive. My luteal phase is 15 days and I am not yet what most consider "late". It might seem crazy that I don't like the "maybe" that a negative pregnancy test gives. The only thing that is crazy right now is me, and it's because of these negative tests. Can't we just rip it away like a Band-Aid instead of these steady negatives I have been receiving?

The easy solution would be for me to not test until after I am past 15 DPO. Then I would know that I had missed my normal CD 1. The problem is that I have seen successful charts in Fertility Friend, and many of the women get BFP tests as early as 8 DPO.

Then there are the symptoms....(and here is where some TMI is)

•  My boobs literally feel like they are about to burst out of my skin. Swinging my arm into the sides of them hurts. Getting undressed for bed hurts. This has been going on since late last week.
• Mood swings. The last 2 weekends in a row I have found myself crying over something. Today I could kick a ball. I could punch a bag. I could really kick or hit anything. I feel really tense and I just think putting force into kicking or hitting would feel really good.
• Extra hormonal. I saw my dentist last week and was told that it appeared I must have something extra hormonal going on because of more-than-normal bleeding in my lower gums.
• Spotting. Since 9 DPO I have been spotting sometimes dark brown sometimes faint pink. Implantation? I feel like 3 days of spotting may be too long for implantation, but IDK.

As a woman who is TTC, what is also frustrating is that these symptoms COULD be early pregnancy symptoms, BUT they COULD also just be normal little 'ol PMS. Blech.

So for the next 4 days I will continue to go to sleep with plenty of hopes and prayers and wake up testing. My heart doesn't really even flutter when I test anymore. It is all kind of matter of fact. At the back of my mind I hope to see a positive, but at the front of my mind I fully plan on seeing another negative-I still analyze the silly stick from all different angles though.

Hanging out on the lower end of my TTC roller coaster, -Natalie