Ouch, Charlie! This really hurts!

Matt keeps telling me this is going to get easier.

That's a sweet thought, but right now I'm more uncomfortable than the silence of a movie theater in between previews when you can hear people chew their popcorn. For me, that's really, really uncomfortable and joking aside, the last two weeks have been pretty miserable. I never realized how painful pregnancy could be.

Two weekends ago we started painting our guest room and the babies room, with the help of my in-laws. We painted the guest room first-and yes, I did protect myself from the fumes and only did trim work while sitting on the floor. Each room was a dark color; the guest room was blue and the babies room was green, and so they both had to be primed before we painted them the colors that Matt let me choose.

Getting the guest room ready to be primed.

Getting the babies room ready to be primed.

We primed the guest room, then the nursery, then painted the guest room, and then the nursery. Saying that we had complications with the nursery is putting it very lightly. I had chosen a color called Vintage (a shade of white that had a yellow-old tint to it) and for whatever reason, the primer we had done had a blue-ish tint to it and was very hard to cover up. Before long, we had run out of paint and instead of going to Lowe's where we had purchased the paint, we went to Ace Hardware, which was much closer, and had them color match it. Huge mistake. Huge.

Very quickly we noticed that they appeared to be different colors, but hoped that it was just because the "color-match-color" was wet and needed to dry. Drying didn't make a difference-they were different colors. The yellow hues of the Vintage color that I loved were completely absent from the color-match color and replaced with a blue-ish lavender, Elmer's glue reminiscent hue. Since the room was almost half way done, we decided to forge through, hope for the best, and paint over everything in order to make it one color. We were exhausted.

That night, after all the paint had dried, I went into the nursery to get a good look at everything. My eyes found a spot that we had missed where you could see the old Vintage color.

Vintage color is the side-ways foot shape.

I knew I liked the Vintage color better. With great patience and love from my husband, he painted the nursery, by himself, again in the correct color with minimal help from me.

Crazy how different they are, huh? Will never color-match again.

Before I post "after" photos of the rooms, I really want to finish getting them furnished. We have a few antique pieces that my in-laws have been holding onto for us that I can't wait to get into the rooms. You'll see them soon!

Even though I didn't do much work and took many breaks, that week started my on-going two weeks of misery. I've grown so much lately and my body isn't quite taking it in stride. Emotionally, I have been stuck in a war of being grateful for being pregnant and being in pain, discomfort and fear for what else is to come. I can't sit for long. I can't stand for long.  I dread night time because I am so uncomfortable in bed-I toss and turn and my legs feel tingly.  I was in the kitchen at five this morning making scrambled eggs and biscuits because, after getting up to use the bathroom, I was so hungry I couldn't fall back asleep. Everything has just been very difficult. I feel guilty even typing these complaints because I don't want to seem as though I'm complaining about the babies. I don't know, it's complicated.

Matt helped to distract me from my discomforts by making Mother's day really special. He rented me a Doppler heartbeat device so that I could hear the babies whenever I want. It came the Wednesday before Mother's day and he didn't make me wait until Sunday to use it. Friday, he had flowers delivered to me at work, and Sunday he presented me with the sweetest card.  I've already gotten plenty use of my heartbeat monitor and it has been so much fun sharing it with my family.

Listening to the heartbeats with my mom

Listening to the heartbeats with Andrea and Betsy

I don't tell him enough, but I am so very grateful for my husband. He has provided so much for me and lets me have so much of what I want-new furniture when he was happy with our old furniture, having all three of our bathrooms, the guest room, and the nursery painted in colors of my choice when he would've been fine with the way they were, painting the house in the colors I chose, getting me a new car to suit a family when we first started talking about having a baby, constantly cleaning the kitchen, taking care of the dogs, etc. There is great love he shows me in his efforts to make me happy, even in the goofy things he does to make me smile. I recognize it all and I am so very blessed.

If I knew how to make the heart symbol, I would insert it here. :)

Yesterday I had another appt with Dr. Wilder. Every morning, an hour or so after I have been awake, I get kind of shaky and nauseated. It happened to me while I was in the room with Dr. Wilder. Fortunately, hearing their heartbeats does a great job of distracting me from my discomfort. Although it wasn't a sonogram, Matt did film him getting their heartbeats.

24 week appt with Dr. Wilder

I talked to him about the struggles I have been having. He said I did have edema (swelling) in my legs and recommended I take it easy as much as possible. He also insisted that I cease working after the end of this month, which is 2 1/2 weeks away (THANK GOD).

I know better than my husband's optimism that this is going to get easier. I'm just going to have to cling harder to my excitement and joy of having these babies in our lives. I feel them constantly now and can differentiate between the bulge of a knee, foot, or elbow and the bulge of a back or rear-end.  I can see them move all around...it is awesome and amazing.  Our next appt with a sonogram is next Thursday. I will also be having a glucose test done...any feedback on that?  I can't believe I am already 24 weeks! That's ELEVEN WEEKS away from the average birth week for twins which is 35 weeks!! Wow!

[Happy to be] hanging in there, -Natalie

"What Eva!"

It's been a long week.

Matt has been in Costa Rica since last Saturday. I did not plan on missing him this much!  Apparently in my emotional, pregnant state, I not only want my husband around, I really need him around. It makes me shutter to think what our military wives go through. My best friend Nicole's husband has recently been deployed and will be gone for 7 months. 7 months and I'm fretting over 7 days right now! Now that's a perspective.

Matt will be returning home tomorrow night. I hadn't realized how much I would miss the routine of our everyday life.  I've had my brother and sister staying with me multiple times this week. My mom stayed with me last Sunday night. I stayed with Anna Thursday night (which was a lot of fun!). I find myself ready to have some simple nights alone with my husband; sitting together, eating together, watching the news in bed together. Just being together. I really love that guy.

Matt catching a wave in Costa Rica

My Ridiculously-Photogenic-Husband

My appointment went really well on Monday! I can now say I have just about two pounds of baby in me! Baby A, Alex-although Alex could become Baby B if they switch places-, weighed 15 ounces, while Mason weighed 14 ounces. Dr. Wilder says they are growing beautifully and at a really great pace. Check out some awesome photos of their faces!

First Column: Baby A, Second Column: Baby B

I uploaded Matt two videos from my appointment onto YouTube. I was in a bit of a hurry to have it be available for him and so they are not edited at all. Some of it is kind of funny, for example in the first video, my mom kind of blinds me with the flash from the camera. A lot of time is spent on measurements. They are still really awesome though...I just love getting to see them!

My fatigue has come back with full force. Days seem longer and nights seem shorter. My heartburn comes and goes lately, no matter what foods I try to avoid. The sciatic nerve pains in my lower back have been especially brutal this week. All and all however, I believe I have still had it pretty easy, and I feel fortunate for that.  I start yoga on Monday next week and will be going three times a week. Hopefully this will ease some of my struggles. It should be fun!

People say the strangest things to me. Actually, pretty inappropriate things regarding my pregnancy and the twins. Here are just a few that I heard this week:

~while in a prenatal massage after telling how Baby B moves often~

"At least you know which one the evil one is. There's always an evil twin."

~Seriously?!?!~

~while checking out at Motherhood~

"So do you know what you're having?"

(very disappointed face after I tell her two boys)

"Oh, really? Not one boy and one girl?"

~Why do some people assume that having two boys is a disappointment-in front of my face? Yes, having one boy and one girl would have been fun, but definitely not a disappointment! These baby boys are both wanted and we are so blessed to be having them.~

~after going over a contract in my office with customers~

"Twins?! Omg! We have friends who have twin girls and we can hardly stand hanging out with them. Wow, you have your hands full. My friend called me crying when she found out she was having twins and I was like, I'm so glad it's her and not me!"

~Yes. This really happened today.~

~random lady that was shopping near me~

"Well, good luck. There's no way I could do that."

~Hmm. Well, what would you do, drop them off in a box on the street?~

One of my best traits is that I don't outwardly appear that things get to me. I smile, nod, and I'm polite. Internally, there is a Jersey girl that is begging to get out and throw a drink and yell while swaying my head and shoulders back and forth. At the least, doing what this little girl does:

Oh..watching that a few times already has me feeling better.

Here are a couple of shots I snapped with my phone today of my growing baby bump:

21 weeks

21 weeks

It feels the way it looks...huge! :)

I wish you all a wonderful weekend! ...and if you're reading this, and it's not the weekend, a wonderful week!

GTL (Just kidding, I never do laundry. ;) -Natalie

Life is good

How can one heart take so much??

On Wednesday, we found out that one of our best friends is pregnant with a baby girl. We are so thrilled! Only being 5 days apart makes this icing on the most enormous happy cake.



Wednesday, we also finally received our furniture-after ordering it six weeks ago mind you.  Aside from an error-we received two love seats and one recliner instead of one love seat, one sofa and one recliner- I am sooo happy that we at least have the love seat. Between the two cushions on it is a console with two cup holders-perfect for two bottles-and each seat not only reclines, but rocks when in non-recline position! Matt and I can be rocking our twins at our own pace, side by side! Another awesome thing is that all of the seats in all of the furniture that we purchased have power recliners, so if I am reclined with a sleeping baby, coming out of the reclined position is as easy as pressing a button! So cool!!  I'll post pictures once we have our complete set.

Tomorrow Matt leaves for Costa Rica for 9 days for a bachelor party, surf trip style. The thought of him being gone has made me go from excited for him, to excited for me and some alone/girl time, to last night being in tears.  He is the best man in his best friend Chris's wedding. The two of them have gone before-last time it was for 3 weeks.

Matt and Chris-Costa Rica 2006

This time, Matt and Chris are bringing along their fathers and 4 more friends along for the fun. Regardless of having a little separation anxiety, I know they're going to have a great time and I'm really happy for them.

I'm not sure if it was the crazy weather we had today....

...but these babies have been kicking up a storm! :) Today, for only the second time ever, I saw Baby B's kick! I loved it! 

There are so many things that need to be done for the babies! On Monday, we finally finished our registry.  Registering is not as easy and fun as one would think... It takes a lot of time and research to find the best in value and rating. Overall, I'm pretty pleased with everything we chose.  We registered at this awesome site called MyRegistry that another twin-mommy-to-be recommended.  It's kind of like a Pinterest registry-you add a button to your favorites bar and then as you look at things you like online, you just click your button and it adds it to your registry! We have registered for items from Pottery Barn Kids, JC Penny, Amazon, etc., and they are all found on our MyRegistry list! Before we started our MyRegistry list, we went to Babies R Us and registered for a few things-which we were able to sync with our MyRegistry list on their site! If you'd like to see some of the things we picked out, and the MyRegistry set up, you can check out ours: here The Babies R Us link is at the bottom of the page.

On Sunday, my MIL is going to help me do some decorating along the tops of our kitchen cabinets and a book shelf we have by the fireplace! We thought it would be best if I get this done while my sweet husband is gone (muah ha ha ha....). I can't wait to see how it's going to turn out-we picked out some really pretty things at Hobby Lobby a couple days ago. Sunday night my mom is going to stay with me so that she can go with me to my next ultrasound appt! I don't think my mom has ever seen an ultrasound in real life-it should be lots of fun! Plus, since this is the first ever appt that Matt is missing, she is going to record it for him!

Ok, so I nearly missed my "weekly post deadline" that I set for myself, but I did it!

Winning, -Natalie

Oh boy, oh boy!!

That's right! We're having two boys!!

I can't believe it has been 2 weeks since we found out that we will be having baby boys...and now 4 weeks since I have written my blog! To make up for it...I'm going to pack this post with everything that has been going on!

Knowing that I will now have two sons to call my own is amazing.  It feels so much more real! My heart swells just typing this.  Want to know their names....?

We put a lot of thought into our babies names and we can't wait to welcome John Alexander, "Alex", and Mason Christofer into our life.  John Alexander is a combination of two of Matt and my most favorite people in the world; our grandfathers - John Franklin Rayburn (mine) and Theodore Alexander Werkhoven (Matt's). Matt really liked the name Mason, and Christofer is Matt's middle name - it's spelled the Dutch way, we weren't purposely trying to switch the more normal "ph" for the "f". Matt and Mason will share the same initials - MCW.  We love these names.

It was one whole agonizing week after we found out their genders before I got to shop for our baby boys...and "boy", did we!

First shopping spree for Mason and Alex!

I have been growing soooooooooooooooooooooooo much! It is crazy-amazing-sometimes painful-wonderful that I can hold my stomach in two hands as if it's a basketball! I'm facinated by myself! For so long before I was pregnant, I would imagine what it would be like to feel and look this way...and now it's happening! I don't take this for granted. I am so thankful for it.

17 weeks pregnant

19 weeks pregnant - Easter afternoon at MIL and FIL's

Yes, I am 19 weeks pregnant this week and our babies are the size of mangos.

We can feel them moving from the outside of my stomach now! So far, Matt, my mom, Andrea, Betsy, and my MIL have been able to feel a little kick or movement. Last night, while I lay on my side, I could feel so much going on! It doesn't always feel good - yesterday it felt like one of the babies was playing cowboys and indians with my bladder. Nonetheless, I love it and so very much enjoy feeling their presence!

Life for us has been crazy lately!! It addition to being in the busiest season at work, we have been making huge changes to the house that are hopefully on track to be completed before the babies come.

We painted the outside of our house...

Before

After

Before

After

...and we have painted three of our bathrooms.  They are still a work in progress.  I'm trying to get all of the decorations together before I share the after pictures.  Matt is a little leery of the color I chose for our downstairs bathroom, it's a light lavender color, but I have promised him that I'm going to make it look good once it's finished. Hey, I am about to be the only girl among three boys, I have to make my femininity mark now.

A few weekends ago, we also had Liz's wedding in Huntsville. It was beautiful and we had a really great time!

********My take on having a healthy pregnancy********

Back in my first trimester, when I was getting sick from brushing my teeth and spitting toothpaste out (this was the extent of my morning sickness) I stopped taking the vitamins that I had initially first really liked.  I would definitely recommend these vitamins to anyone TTC or those who are pregnant and are able to swallow pills:

I really liked that these were "raw". They gave me great energy and helped to make me feel good.

These do a great job keeping your system regulated and also help to ward off icky pregnancy woes such as a y.e.a.s.t. infection.

I also took a calcium supplement twice a day.  They were the size of the Eiffel Tower.

I took all of these while we were TTC and also probably up to two months of being pregnant.  It's a good idea if you are TTC to start storing the folate and other nutrients to prepare for the growth of your baby, or in my case babies.  At about two months into my pregnancy, I had to stop taking all of these vitamins, unfortunately.  I just could not swallow them.

My friend Anna turned me on to some chewable vitamins that I have really enjoyed taking since then- and not just because they are delicious.

Together they have plenty of DHA, Folic Acid, Calcium, and Vitamin D, and I'll say it again, they are flipping delicious.  Matt even likes taking them, even the prenatals! Ha ha...

I recently discovered that I like root beer. I haven't had the taste of my beloved soda, Diet Coke since December, and while I used to not like root beer-once I had a taste of that brown bubbly on my tongue, I've been hooked! It's caffeine free and is the only soda taste I'm allowing myself to have.  Done deal.  I will warn you though, not all root beer is pregnancy friendly. Beware of Barq's, it has caffeine.

I have increased my water drinking by a lot compared to what it used to be. It hasn't even been difficult, I'm thirsty allll of the time! I only drink root beer maybe once a day. The rest of the time, it's good 'ol H2O.  I also continue to eat tons of spinach and vegetables, salmon and the safe kinds of fish, and I have been drinking yogurt smoothies for an extra calcium boost in addition to yummy snacks of Greek yogurt.

The one thing I really need to improve on is my stretching. I have had several prenatal massages now and have increased going to my chiropractor, but I know that some good stretching would do me wonders.  My excuse is this: I'm so tired once I get off of work. Maybe I'll cook dinner. Thankfully Matt has been really great at picking up my slack in the kitchen. I generally just want to either lay on the couch, get in the bathtub, or go to bed.  Somehow I'll have to make myself incorporate some stretching.

****************

Last but certainly not least, I wanted to share a video of our gender reveal sonogram.  It starts out with Matt filming us on the way to our appointment. I don't seem as excited as I actually was in the video. I was so nervous! Some of the best baby movements are in the second half of the video.

If I have forgotten anything, I'll be sure to remember it for next weeks post-which I fully intend on writing! :)

I'm going to have 2 sons!!, -Natalie

Baby kicks

Somebody pinch me.

(Not you Nicole, yours hurt.)

It doesn't cease to amaze me with where I am in life. I am not that far away from where I was just a few months ago; longing to know a baby was in my future.  And now I know that I have 2 on the way. Two babies.  Wow.

This week I am 15 weeks pregnant with my twin babies. They are now each the size of an avocado.

I can finally say that I felt baby movement for the first clear time on Saturday night. I wasn't even trying to either! I was laying on my side in bed, talking to Matt, when all of a sudden, there it was! It was the softest little movement, but it was there. Afterwards, I was able to focus in on what I felt and went to sleep smiling, with my hand still on my stomach.

This past weekend, we were given the opportunity to watch our nephew and niece.  Our nephew is a little over 3 1/2 years old and our niece is almost 10 months old. It was so fun-a lot of energy-but fun.  Matt really got to appreciate the, as he calls it, squishy age that our niece is. He took pride in buckling her car-seat and pushing her around in the shopping cart at Sprouts.  It was really nice.

Monday, I had a dr.'s appointment. (I promise I know how to spell d.o.c.t.o.r.-it's just so much easier to abbreviate!) The babies have moved up in my belly! Last time, he detected their heartbeats very low on my stomach, this time, they were just under my belly button! I'm really showing now-I'll have to post some new pictures soon.  The babies were moving around a lot-he had a hard time getting a consistent heartbeat because they kept turning around and were making tons of kicking noises, it was great!

We also got to schedule our big gender sonogram!!! 

The date is set for, drum roll please?......................................

March 27th!

That is exactly 1 week and 6 days away! Very exciting!! I will be a day over 17 weeks at that point-so the genders won't be a 100% sure thing, but will be somewhat promising nonetheless.  Ahh! I decided on a fun way to do the big reveal-I'll let you know when we get there.  Here is an indication of what Matt wants:

Sweet, huh? He picked this up last week and surprised me with it-I hadn't even bought anything for our babies yet! If we end up having two girls, we'll just have to throw some pink ribbons on it. It looks kinda ginormous for a newborn twin, but someday it will be worn! Matt is so cute.

This weekend, I am in  Liz's wedding-she is one of my long time best friends. Pictures will be taken and I'll be sure to share me and the babies in my beautiful champagne colored gown. (Note to self: Do not forget to pick up gown at alteration place!!)

March 27th, March 27th!, -Natalie

Forgotten details

As I have been reading through some of my new-old and old-new posts...you know, the current ones and the flashbacks...it occurred to me that there have been a couple things that I have left out. Some really cool things.

Remember my Curiouser and curiouser post and how my mother had predicted that cd's 13-16 were days that she "just had a feeling" about?  Back then I had written how crazy it was to think that I possibly could ovulate 10 days sooner than I normally do.  Well, it was that cd 13 that our babies were conceived on. Unbelievable, huh? I remember when we told my family, my mom, all Christmas day, was going on and on how she had done it! Haha...  Apparently, it doesn't suck if your mom being right leads to your dream becoming true.  ..and next time my mom gets a feeling about something, I should put money on it.

I also wanted to share my fertility friend chart. My amazing, I'm flipping pregnant chart:

Where the red lines cross is where I o'd on cd 13, December 12th.  Then you can see my first positive pregnancy test, bfp, on 11 dpo (days past ovulation).  My chart was so different! Instead of having an implantation dip, which is common among many pregnancy charts, I had a HUGE spike on 7 dpo.  Where the line turns green at the blue dots, is where my positive test started.  Pretty neat stuff, right?  It certainly is to me! :)

As soon as I found out I was pregnant, my love for diet coke was out the door....I guess not quite the love for it, but I knew I was going to stop drinking it.  I also ceased all coffee and tea drinking.  A couple of weeks ago, I started drinking sweet tea occasionally, but that is as far as I'm going with caffeine.  I do have my moments where I smell the rich aroma of coffee at work and my mouth begins to salivate, or I get Chik-fil-a and know it would taste so good to have a nice, icy, diet coke to wash it down.  Ultimately though, I just don't need them-and I know my babies don't either.  My mentality on it is that now is the best time to be as selfless as I can be and put my growing babies first.

Today, I am 14 weeks and two days pregnant! Yay!!! I can't believe it has already been three weeks since I shared my news with everyone! I love it!!  The babies are now the size of a naval orange each...

...or about 4.5 inches each according to my What to Expect app.  I wonder when I'll start to really be able to feel them?


Orange you glad I shared? :) -Natalie

Baby Waves

Monday we got to have our 13 week sonogram! I just truly cannot put into words how much it means to me to be able to see our babies...they are amazing! They just keep growing!!

Baby A, our sweet baby A, that hasn't gotten to have the best pictures yet, thrilled us with a picture of his or her hand! It was amazing!!

Baby A @ 13 wks-look at the baby hand!

Watching Baby A move that little hand at the end of this video was wonderful.

Click where it says "youtube" on the bottom of the video-then go full screen.

Baby B, our photogenic little mover-did what that sweet baby does best; showed us cute baby moves!

Click where it says "youtube" on the bottom of the video-then go full screen.

After our sonogram appointment, we went to see Dr. Wilder.  We hadn't gotten to hear their heartbeats in our sonogram appointment and were so happy when he pulled out his little doppler thing-a-ma-jig.  I think you can tell by my face that I was happy with what I heard...

Our next appointment is two weeks from Monday.  At that appointment we will be scheduling the big sonogram appointment where we are able (hopefully!) to tell their genders!  We are so very excitedly looking forward to this!!

Now that I am 13 weeks, I am officially in my second trimester! (I just realized that my last 3 sentences ended in exclamation points-but this is exciting stuff. (!!!!) ) There is a lot of relief that comes with the second trimester, however, I don't think I'll ever really stop worrying about the safety and health of my babies.  I'm doing everything I can to have the most healthy pregnancy-I'll share what I've been doing in next weeks post!

Baby wave goodbye for now, -Natalie

Are you my babies?

**Today is my last day that I am releasing these "hidden" posts from when I hadn't yet revealed my pregnancy. I'm sorry if they have confused you! Today, February 23, I am 12 weeks 3 days pregnant and very happy! Next week I'll resume with my current posts, after my 13 week sonogram.  (YAY! Can't wait to see my babies again!) I'm going to take a small break until then. I'm so appreciative of all the kind things and congratulations that have been said to me. Thank you so much!**

FEBRUARY 8, 2012
PREVIOUSLY UNPUBLISHED POST 9 OF 9

I feel like I should be able to feel them.

Don't you think, if you had two babies, the size of limes, and they were moving around in you, that you would be able to feel it?

Last night, after a warm bath, and putting all of my Mama Mio creams and lotions on (I'm trying to prevent stretch marks, ya'll!) I laid in my bed, closed my eyes, placed my hands over my belly, and tried to focus on feeling them move.  If I could just not breath, I think that would help.  I felt what I thought could have been them, but it may have just been normal tummy rumblings.  I fell asleep in the process. 

I can't wait to really feel and interact with them.  It's going to be amazing.  The thought of Matt feeling them move for the first time, ah! Amazing!! So many amazing things...

Well, I was about to close this, but wanted to include one more thing. Do you remember the Dr. Suess book, "Are you my Mother?" by P.D. Eastman?



It came to mind as I was writing.  My mom used to read it to me and my sister.  It was one of my favorite books.  I was reminded of it, because last night when I was trying to feel my babies, I was thinking all the while, "It's, me, your mommy....". 

I have been so overcome with emotion lately.  When Madonna came on for the half-time show during the Super Bowl on Sunday, I literally got choked up as those first few chords of Vogue were played.  Then last night I was reminiscing about wonderful memories I shared with some of my best girl friends which left me teary-eyed, and now today it's this book doing it to me!  Ha!

Maybe I'm not really feeling my babies yet, but I'm certainly feeling other things!

All the more excited, -Natalie

My lovely lady bump

FEBRUARY 7, 2012
PREVIOUSLY UNPUBLISHED POST 8 OF 9


Check it out.

8 weeks

10 weeks

My little baby bump is getting more difficult to conceal!  When I walk around at work I try to suck in as much as possible or hold my hand or arm over my mid-section.  It will be so nice to walk more comfortably when I can finally tell everyone next week. 

I love walking among strangers.  I feel like I can be so open with my pregnancy.  I rub my belly when I walk.  I tell every stranger that I come into contact with that I'm pregnant with twins.  Last night it was our waitress at Longhorn Steak and Ale and the guy at the check-out at HEB.

I can't even think to write much more than this, I am so hungry right now.  Snack time!

Lay off me, I'm starving, -Natalie

UPDATE-I got a bite to eat, and wanted to share their growth!  Our babies are now each the size of a lime. :)

So sweet!

Love letter

FEBRUARY 4, 2012
PREVIOUSLY UNPUBLISHED POST 7 OF 9

Dear babies,

Your daddy loves you so much already.  This morning, although I was awake, I hadn't opened my eyes yet, your daddy rolled over and started rubbing the small bump on my belly where you, my loves, are.

"Good morning, babies. I'm your daddy."

It was so sweet.  On our way to work, he was giddy with happiness and excitement about the two of you.  He had the biggest smile the entire ride into town.

It makes me so happy when I think about how much you are already loved.  Your Aunt Andrea loves to greet you by whispering hello's into my belly button-I tell her to speak quietly so as not to hurt your tiny growing ears.  Aunt Betsy just can't wait for you to get here!  Your Aunt Nicole loves you so much already, too, and cannot wait to start buying little outfits once we know your genders.  Grandma left me a message the other day that she had bought you a book!  This was kind of surprising because she had previously said she didn't believe in buying gifts until you are here-even she couldn't resist!  Oma can't wait to start buying you gifts as well!  Aunt Dawn got teary thinking about how she is your aunt and her son Kristian, your cousin, knows you are in my belly and can't wait to meet you!  We have the best friends in Chris and Anna and cannot wait to have all of our children together and watch you play and interact.  These are just a small handful of friends and family that already love you, but I will promise you this, there are so many more!

I am so happy, honored, and blessed to be your mommy.  I have waited and wanted you for so long.  You will be born into so much love it makes my heart swell.  My love grows for you everyday and I give my belly lots of rubs as a reminder.  There are not words for how thankful we are for your beating hearts and growing bodies.

Thankfully yours, -Your Mommy

"Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart."  Psalm 37.4

Heartbeats!!

JANUARY 31, 2012
PREVIOUSLY UNPUBLISHED POST 6 OF 9


It's been a while since I wrote one of these "hidden" posts. About two weeks actually. Today I am 9 weeks and a day pregnant. I just wrote my Writer's block post and now I am soooooo flipping excited for Valentine's day!!!

Our babies are now the size each of a prune.

Two weeks ago, at 7 weeks pregnant, we got to hear the most incredible, amazing sounds I have ever heard; our babies heartbeats. Check it out!  Twin A was in a weird position and so we were just barely able to make out his/her heartbeat, but Twin B was in a great position and came through pretty clear!  You may need to turn your volume up. :)

Yesterday, although Matt was only able to wait with me in the waiting room for my appt before he had to leave for his chiropractor appt...did I tell you that he has a sport's hernia and won't require surgery?...more on that another time, anyway, I went to see Dr. Wilder alone.  As always, it was a great visit with a few of my questions answered. More importantly was this though: I, for the first time, had warm jelly placed on my belly and a Doppler device was used to hear our babies heartbeats! This was the first time I have ever experienced that! All other sonograms had been done internally. It was so cool! Their little heartbeats came through the speaker of the device loud and clear. I tilted my head back and laughed a little, it was amazing.

It's taken me some time to write about the first time I heard their heartbeats. I was afraid that something would change. I'm cautious with my happiness...and writing about this experience really is such a happy punch of reality.  After my appt yesterday, Dr. Wilder told me that my risk of miscarriage has now been reduced to 3%. 3%!! I loved hearing that.  He said that even being able to hear their heartbeats at this stage was only a 30% chance!  Our babies seem to be doing just great.  Thank you God.

So now I am just brimming with anticipation. I cannot wait to allow everyone to join me on this journey.  Sometimes I tear up at night just imagining how it's going to feel to finally share with everyone how Matt and I have been blessed. We are so very, very thankful.

Dr. Wilder told me that it was probably safe for me to share my news now.  I have a sonogram on February 13th, I will be 11 weeks.  So, with one week before I had previously planned, I will be making my big announcement the following day, Valentine's day.  If you are reading this, it is after I have done my big reveal....ah!! So exciting!!

Lots of love and excitement, -Natalie

Bliss

JANUARY 13, 2012
PREVIOUSLY UNPUBLISHED POST 5 OF 9


On my very worst day of being pregnant and perhaps miserable, I hope I remember the joy of how happy I am to even be pregnant. I waited for so long, longing to be where I am today, at 6 weeks and 4 days pregnant with my precious twins, who, by the way, are now each the size of a blueberry.

 

Monday can't be here soon enough. Matt and I will hopefully be able to hear our love's heartbeats for the first time. I need this appointment. Since it is so early, I really need some kind of reassurance that I am still pregnant. I can't feel them yet, and I'm not really even showing, aside from a little pregnant pouch that comes from all of my hormones.  I really hope that both babies stay with me, and that when we go in for our appointment, we will see healthy growth. 


I am the happiest girl in the world. Have I already said that? I'll say it again: I am the happiest girl in the world.  I hope time passes quickly so that soon, that moment that I have dreamed of, where I hold my baby, now babies, for the first time will be here. Bliss. :)

...and more fireworks, -Natalie

TWINS!!!!

JANUARY 5, 2012
PREVIOUSLY UNPUBLISHED POST 4 OF 9
We're having twins!! We're having twins!! We're having twins!!!!!

Here is how it all came about! Ahh!!!!

Yesterday, Matt got to meet Dr. Wilder for the first time, it was after my very first sonogram.

Let's talk about that first.

I don't think I mentioned this from my last post about Dr. Wilder, but the reason he wanted to do my first sonogram so early is because my progesterone levels were so high.  The conversation went a little bit like this:

"61, huh? That could be an indicator of...what?"

"...twins?"

Small giggle. "You got it, let's have you back in next week."

Small giggle back. I could feel my eyes twinkling.

So, yesterday, after telling work that we were having work done on our house, we left to go to catch our first glimpse of our growing baby.

They sent us back to the room pretty quickly. I changed into a gown, while Matt sat in a small chair next to the bed.  The sonogram was internally administered. It was really sweet, when I winced a little as the nurse was getting everything in place, Matt rubbed my arm. I assured him I was ok, it was uncomfortable, but not painful.

I was asked how far along I was, and answered with 5 weeks.  It bothered me slightly when she responded with, "Well, you must be really early because I'm not seeing a whole lot of anything..." Rude.

After a few minutes she let us know that she could see a "little speck".  I told her that the main reason that Dr. Wilder had me there so early was because he suspected that I might have twins.  She just kind of nodded, and said "hmm", but then just about a minute later said, "Oh, there it is...another speck!"

Matt and I started to get our cheese smiles on and I began my happy giggles, but they were shortly lived because the nurse told us, "Now, this doesn't necessarily mean anything, you'll have to talk to your doctor about it." She then, incorrectly told me that they weren't embryos yet.  WRONG. An embryo is the fertilized egg after it has implanted.  You get your positive test from hCG which is emitted once implantation occurs, which I clearly have.  I didn't correct her, after she incorrectly corrected me. She just didn't know who she was dealing with! Haha, oh well.

We couldn't help ourselves. We were quite giddy in the waiting room.  Matt had taken a picture on his phone of the sonogram...I was certain it was of twins!! We just kept staring at it and laughing...twins!!  Ah!!

After the sonogram, we were able to meet with Dr. Wilder.  He came into our room with a bright smile and was pointing at the picture of my two sweet little embryos. "Twins!", he said with a smile.  I smiled and nodded my head yes excitedly, "Twins!".  He did a quick exam on me, yes Matt was there, he did great, and explained that because it was so early, there is not a 100% chance that they will both stay.  Sometimes, in the gestational process, you'll be able to see the two embryos, and then come back a few weeks later and only be able to see one, we were told. 

Matt really liked Dr. Wilder.  Sharing our news with our family was awesome, even if it left my parents a little short for words, initially. We are praying that both of our growing babies will be able to stay with us, forever.  Matt admitted that when the nurse had said she had seen only one "speck", he was slightly disappointed because he had gotten his hopes up a little for twins.  I had, too.  We are so very thankful for the most amazing blessing of two babies.

Here they are! Our precious little growing babies! Love at first sight.

We initially were going to keep the news just to ourselves, but then I got to thinking...I was already having to keep my pregnancy a secret from almost everyone...I had to at least be able to tell our family and a couple of close friends about them. So, we did. ..and it was amazing!! Everyone was so excited!! Matt had confused his parents at first about not knowing if there were two or not..how could we possibly not know! Haha...it was fun when the truth was finally revealed!  My parents were very shocked at first. My dad was speechless! (Which rarely happens!) ...but then, once the shock of two babies faded away, all that was left was pure happiness.  This is such a blessing!!

The happiest girl in the world, -Natalie

What really happened

DECEMBER 30, 2011
PREVIOUSLY UNPUBLISHED POST 3 of 9

Yesterday, I met Dr. Wilder for the first time.  It was only supposed to be a consultation, but because I found out I was pregnant last weekend, my appointment went a bit differently.

I had had a quantitative blood pregnancy, or hCG (Human Chorionic Gonadotropin), test on Tuesday with my previous dr.  There are two different types of blood pregnancy tests that can be administered; quantitative and qualitative. Quantitative hCG test gives you an actual amount of hCG that is present in the blood-hCG is the pregnancy hormone.  Qualitative hCG tests basically gives you a yes/no answer by telling whether or not hCG is present.  Anyway, I was told that my hCG level was at "100.something", by previous dr, and that my progesterone level was at 61. Normal level of progesterone at my stage of pregnancy, I'm 4 weeks :) , can be between 9-47. Interesting....hopefully soon I'll know whether or not that means anything. 

When I met with Dr. Wilder, after the great response he gave me from giving him alllll of my charts, haha, he decided to run another hCG test on me. As of 3pm this afternoon, I'm anxious to hear what my levels are.  I was told that hCG levels are supposed to double. We'll see what I'm doing.

How could I have forgotten to mention this until the end (well, nearly end) of my post?!....I have reached the coveted 18 dpo today!! My temps have remained at 97.9 the last several days.  I'm not sure if I will continue taking my temperature.  It will be kind of odd not doing it, as I have done it every morning at 6AM since August.

I could not be happier.  It's hard not to have a permanent cheese smile, but I have to play it down. Only our general manager and salesman, both of whom I work closest with, know at work.  I cannot wait to get out of my first trimester. I want to know that this baby is safe and healthy for the long haul. 

My baby.
Mine.
I'm going to have a baby.

I am only technically 2 weeks pregnant, however you start counting from the first day of your last period, or for us savvy fertility people-if you read my blog, you can count yourself- cycle day 1 (cd1).  So that is where the other 2 weeks are coming from.  Unbelievably, next week Matt and I get to go to our first sonogram!!  Can you believe that?! I never imagined I would get to do it so soon...but this dr, he's a keeper, and he is setting the plan for me just as I had hoped for.

I cannot wait!!!

Pure bliss, -Natalie

Not telling people

DECEMBER 29, 2011
PREVIOUSLY UNPUBLISHED POST 2 of 9

Today I wrote the timing post. I wrote about how it wasn't the time for me to share the news that I so wanted to share-however, it wasn't me that I was talking about, it was for my blog.  It wasn't the time yet to share it here.  We have agreed to only have our family and a small handful of our family friends know. Not sharing my happy news on my blog is killing me...and kind of breaking my heart.  Until we are in the clear with this pregnancy, we aren't sharing the news.

I had always been excited about my little "plan" to surprise everyone once I had cleared my first trimester. I had no idea how hard it would be. Brittany O.: today you wrote on my fb that you were eager to read my blog. This was the week after Christmas. I sooo wanted to tell you!

Writing these unpublished posts, and then releasing them, will hopefully make up for my little trick of surprising everyone in February. I have a feeling it is going to be hard to come up with posts that don't have to do with me being pregnant. In the first trimester, your risk for miscarriage ( I despise even typing that word) is at it's highest. I just couldn't bear having to tell more than my family and a handful of friends if that were to happen.  Hopefully you can understand.

So, if you stuck around, through my non-baby posts, thank you. I tried not to blatantly lie in the Timing post.  Hopefully now that you know, read it again, you'll see the truth shining through it.

One happy and thankful mommy, -Natalie

The night and morning we found out

DECEMBER 24, 2011
PREVIOUSLY UNPUBLISHED POST 1 of 9

Yesterday I got my very first faint bfp.

It was right before Matt and I were to go out for sushi for Christmas eve-eve. Never did I expect to see those two lines before dinner! I had bought the tests to take on Christmas eve and Christmas day, but couldn't help myself and tested early.

I knew I couldn't tell Matt yet. What if I was wrong? I needed more tests, more results. I needed to put my "let's go to dinner" face on and act completely normal. I had a special way I wanted to tell Matt.

Dinner was almost impossible. It was all I could think of. I tried not to seem distracted. Later that night, I thought I only had 2 tests left. I decided to hold onto them until the next morning, so I could hopefully get a stronger line.  I was overcome with nerves as I lie in bed. I tossed and turned and tried to put it out of my mind. I would get excited, and then I would shake my head, "no...don't be excited, don't get your hopes up"-I would try to tell myself. After a few hours of this I finally decided to get up, I had to use the bathroom reaaaaallly bad, and scavenge for another test. Low and behold, I found a dollar store test from last month. I locked myself in the guest bathroom, peed in a cup, and took the dollar store test, and the digital test I was saving for the next morning. I sat on the cold floor, my back against the bathtub.  More faint positives. My heart was pounding. I squeezed my eyes closed as tears burst through. Could this really be it???

Oddly enough, the dollar store test gave me the strongest positive. I decided to put my special Christmas hope and dream into plan. I never thought this dream could come to fruition. I sneaked back into my room and grabbed a thin white shoe box. I had 2 little onsies that I had purchased and stashed away. The first one from a Britney Spears concert that said, "Ooops I did it again" (I know, never in public will a baby of mine wear it), the other a cute pale blue that said "Future Pro-Surfer", I got it in Newport, California. I taped 4 of the bfp tests together in twos and laid them on top of the onsies in the box. On stationary, I wrote: "Good morning DADDY. WE love you. Love, Mommy and baby." I folded it and placed it on top, and then wrapped the whole thing in Christmas paper.  I was so restless that night. My excitement and nerves were through the roof.

The next morning, I woke up at 5:15 as Matt was stirring. We cuddled for a bit, and then I offered to take care of the dogs. I took another test downstairs and got another faint bfp. Soon enough, Matt was downstairs. I retrieved the gift I had stashed in the guest bedroom and laid it on the counter.

"What's this?"

"An early Christmas gift. Merry Christmas eve, honey."

After he opened it and got a look inside, Matt gave me this bewildered look, and asked "Really?!" a bunch of times. I was in tears as I just kept nodding yes.  He even thought because there were two onsies in the box that we were having twins!  I told him, "No, I mean, I don't know! It's too early!".  It was the best moment of my life, telling my husband that we would finally be expecting our first baby. I'm still in shock.  Just the day before I had gotten that first bfp, my heart was so heavy because I had taken a test that morning and it was negative.  I couldn't even post words and so instead I posted The Suburbs song about wanting a daughter while I'm still young.  How quickly things can turn around!

Tonight, we will be surprising my family with the news at church. Ah! I can't believe this is all happening!!

For this child I have prayed, and prayed, and prayed, -Natalie

Surprise!! Part II-videos!!

If you haven't seen the post before this...you might want to check it out first! ...or, let yourself be in on the surprise too by checking out these videos!

Here is the Christmas eve video of us surprising my family after our church service!

(Yes, and that was me shushing my mom...I swear, she wanted to tell the whole world right then and there!)

Now, this is the video of us surprising Matt's family on Christmas day!

...and just when you didn't think it could get any better...it does. :) Here is a video of yesterday's 11 week sonogram: our dancing babies.  I know, you probably had to turn your volume down for the above videos...but turn it back up a little for this one!

There really aren't words to describe how I truly feel about becoming a mom, Matt becoming a dad, and having these two miraculous babies join our family.  I have prayed for this for so long!  God has been and continues to be so good to me!  It is proof to me that if you put your trust in Him, how blessed you will be.  Each time we see our babies on these sonograms, the love I have for my husband grows so much!  If you could only see his face when he films the sonograms! I should really be filming him...it's such a special thing.

Thank you so much for the kind words and congratulations.  The joy of sharing this news makes my heart want to burst with happiness.  Our babies are going to be born into so much love!

Dancing on cloud 9, -Natalie

Surprise!!!

What would you think if I told you that I got exactly what I wanted for Christmas?

...well, I did. I'm pregnant!!!!!...and I am the happiest girl in the world!!

The day after being heartbroken over two negative tests and posting Music for lack of words, I got the positive test I have dreaming of.  I told Matt and my family on Christmas eve and his family on Christmas day.

It was amazing surprising our families! Matt had our camera set up on a tripod, and after saying "cheese" for a family picture, he switched the camera over to record and said, "everyone say, Natalie's pregnant!" It was awesome!!

We are so very blessed and grateful for this enormous gift that we have been given.  Oh, and there is another even more amazing blessing: WE ARE HAVING TWINS!!! Our babies are due at the end of the summer.

I have been dreaming, way before I was even pregnant, of sharing this moment with the world. Now, to be able to do it, is indescribable.  Today, I am 11 weeks, 1 day pregnant.  This week, our babies are the size of a large plum each.

Yesterday we had our 3rd sonogram. Our babies like to move!! They were dancing for us as we watched them with smiles so big!

...and don't think I have kept my blog in the dark since I have known I was pregnant.  I have been writing hidden posts of everything that has been going on up until now.  I will start publishing them, everyday until it is caught up, starting tomorrow.  Can't wait to share these posts with you!!

I have been trying, for hours now this morning, to upload the videos of us surprising our families and of our tiny dancing babies.  I'm so anxious to share this blog with everyone though that I have now decided to include the videos in a separate post. I am shaking with excitement to post and share this!!!  My heart is pounding...

It has been so very difficult not sharing my news with everyone.  I couldn't bear the risk of something going wrong and having to answer to more than a handful of people.  Holding this secret in has been so difficult, not only for me, but to my family and best friends.  It's out now!

I'M PREGNANT WITH TWINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

I am so thrilled and over-joyed.  THANKFUL.  Welcome to my new journey.  :)

I'm going to be a mommy!, -Natalie

Song so nice, I'm sharin' it twice

Remember when I didn't have much to say, so I posted this song?

I was in a tough place.  My heart longed to have a baby.  It hurt.

Since then, my perspective has changed.  I can't wait to have a baby in my arms.  All thanks to God, my heart doesn't hurt for it anymore.  There is hope. Grace. Peace.

Here is the Arcade Fire version of the song, live from Bonnaroo 2011:

I know, he's a bit sweaty.  Allow yourself to fall into the song, and that minute detail will fade away like an evening shadow.  I love this song. 

I love...
...this song.

It reminds me that even though negative feelings can sometime creep in, you keep your faith and keep on moving, keep on hoping, keep on living. 

"Sometimes I can't believe it, I'm moving past the feeling." 

Like I mentioned before, I really love the part where it is sung,

"So can you understand, why I want a daughter while I'm still young?  I want to hold her hand and show her some beauty before this damage is done. But if it's too much to ask, if it's too much to ask, then send me a son." 

These lyrics light such a fire in my heart. 
I want a daughter while I'm still young!!!
...and of course, I would be more than happy with a son.  I've played this song over and over since it came out last year.  I teared up when I heard it live at ACL (Austin City Limits music festival).

Feelings of growing up and of my childhood are stirred all at the same time. 

So, there you go.  My encore post of The Suburbs, this time with words.

Now, let's listen to that song again, -Natalie